JEDDAH, 10 October 2007 — The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) would perform what is known as Itikaf — a kind of spiritual retreat involving a long stretches of time in worship — during the last 10 days of Ramadan. Today many Muslims engage in Itikaf by staying in the mosque reading from the Qur’an; they consider it a special time of reflection and true repentance for sins.

But according to the Mawada Social Counseling Center in Jeddah, many women complain that their husbands simply disappear from the house and ignore familial responsibilities while in this state of Itikaf — leaving their wives with the burdens of home and family, not to mention the additional burdens that come with hosting guests and preparing meals during the holy month.

Ramadan itself, some say, and especially the last days of it, is all too often a deeply spiritual season for men while for women it’s just a typical holiday full of meal planning and shopping while the husbands are off supplicating in the holy cities.

“Husbands go for Itikaf and they abandon their wives and children,” Yassir Mostafa Al-Shalabi, a head counselor at the Mawada Center. “They completely neglect their needs and burden the women with the responsibility. Some travel to either Makkah or Madinah leaving their families without financial or moral support.”

Counselors say that this contradicts the true spirit of Islam, which emphasizes a balance between the spiritual and worldly life. The Qur’an describes Muslims as a balanced society. (2:143)

Omaima A. is a housewife in her early 40s and a mother of three. Her husband went to Makkah for Itikaf during the last 10 days of Ramadan and left her in the midst of chaos. “In addition to the daily errands there is Eid shopping that needs to be done,” said Omaima. “I live in Jeddah, I don’t have a driver, my husband is in Makkah and I’m expected to attend to all these things and get everything ready by Eid. How’s that possible?”

Lina Muhammad, 18, is fed up with her parents’ irresponsible behavior. She says both of her parents abandon their family duties and spend most of the time in a state of Itikaf. “They both leave me alone with my five siblings at home,” she said. “I try my best to look after their needs, but it’s just too much for me to handle.”

A woman in her late 60s is concerned about the well being of her grandchildren she’s babysitting in Ramadan. While her son is on Itikaf, his wife is on a daily mission wandering through shopping centers. She says that in the past the Itikaf used to be more communal and family oriented.

“I love my grandchildren, but this is just not right,” said the old lady. “In the old days, women used to finish their chores, cradle their children and then go to either pray or shop. I used to pray with my husband inside our household. He would invite the maids, the drivers and even our young children to join us. It used to be really spiritual.”

Sheikh Salman Al-Odah, a senior religious figure in the Kingodm, cited a fatwa regarding Itikaf. “It’s a major mistake if Muslims think that forsaking their families is acceptable for them to go for Itikaf,” he said. “Itikaf is a Sunnah (not an obligatory deed), but taking care of one’s family and their needs is an obligatory duty.”