HAIL, 16 March 2008 — A seven-year-old boy fell into a swimming pool here recently during a private social function and the men in attendance were helpless to do anything about it. According to a report in Al-Riyadh newspaper, none of the men knew how to swim and were otherwise almost clueless about what to do as the child flailed about in panic. One man grabbed the pool ladder and tried to ease it over to the boy to no avail. Others tried to tie a couple of shumaqs (the Saudi headdress for men) to make a lifeline, but it wasn’t long enough. Finally — wouldn’t you know it — a teenage girl shot past the fumbling men and dove into the pool to rescue the boy like some Japanese manga-girl superhero. The father expressed his gratitude to the young lady, and covered her with his mashlah (the Saudi outer gown for men).

Woman Found to Have Traffic Tickets!

MADINAH, 16 March 2008 — Abdurrahman Abdullah Al-Tuaileay was surprised when he found out that his wife had been charged with three traffic violations, according to a local newspaper yesterday. He complained to the Madinah traffic office by pointing out the incredibly obvious: it’s kind of difficult for a woman to be issued a traffic ticket when she isn’t allowed by social customs to drive a car. The officials reportedly replied to the man that this was “probably” a mistake. “Probably” is probably not the best choice of words.

Camel Inflicts Vengeance on Man

MADINAH, 16 March 2008 — According to the Australian bioethics philosopher Peter Singer, the qualities that define “sentience” — that is, a creature’s cognitive mental abilities in relation to other creatures — is an animal’s ability to remember the past and have hopes for the future. This is the kind of thing that helps, for example, define the difference between a lowly slug (that has a very, very low level of sentience) and a lofty dolphin (that has a very high level of sentience). Any Bedouin in Saudi Arabia will tell you that camels have a high level of sentience. For one thing, they remember the past. They remember people. They probably have some ability to feel hope for things to come. They are at least as loyal or vindictive toward humans as other domesticates. One camel in Madinah showed this cognitive ability in action when it attacked its owner, biting the man in the head hard enough for the man fall unconscious. The violation? The owner, who wanted to milk the female camel instead of wasting the milk on the calf, had tied the camel in a shed and prevented her from nursing her young. Even though the camel calf was out of sight, the camel knew who was responsible for this crass violation of the sanctity between mother and offspring. The man was not wise enough to know this, however, and exposed himself to camel’s opportunity to attack — which the camel took.