Study: Women keep the peace in marriage



THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Published — Monday 1 July 2013

Last update 1 July 2013 6:08 am

| نسخة PDF Print News | A A

NEW YORK: Picture this scenario: You’re on a road trip with your partner, trying to find your hotel, lost in an unfamiliar area and driving in circles. Your partner gets agitated, body and voice tense, and says in exasperation, “We’re never going to find it!“
How do you react? Does the stress rub off on you, or do you try to calm your partner down?
A recent study says your response may well depend on your gender.
Researchers from the University of Arizona found that, for couples who cooperate well, men tend to mimic their partner’s mood while women try to regulate their partner’s emotions.
“Women try to keep the peace,” speculates relationship researcher and lead study author Ashley Randall.
The study, published last week in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, looked at 44 heterosexual couples in the United States who had been together an average of six years. Most were living together or married.
The scientists shot video of each couple conversing about eating habits, exercise and other aspects of daily life. Then subjects viewed the video while rating how positive or negative they were feeling at the time of the conversation. Researchers also looked for signs of cooperation, such as open communication, sympathy, active listening and compromise.
Among those couples who cooperated well, the partners tended to fall into gender-distinct roles, with men following an emotional lead and women seeking to moderate the man’s emotions.
Men may do this simply to appease women. In an example cited in a podcast on the study hosted by the journal, a wife asks her husband what he thinks of her outfit. He says he likes it, but chances are, her husband’s enthusiasm won’t be enough to fully convince her and she will want to try on a few other options.
Stereotypically but also anecdotally, men avoid relationship conflict, says couples therapist Michael Radkowsky, who was not involved in the study.
Randall, in the podcast, suggested that men might be subconsciously syncing their emotions with their partner’s during cooperation in order to avoid a drawn-out discussion.
If the woman suspects that is the case, Randall said, she might become less positive in an effort to determine his true feelings. Or, if he is excessively negative or agitated, she said, a woman might try to temper her partner’s feelings.
In studies examining parents’ interactions with their infants, similar patterns and gender differences arise. Mothers tend to calm their babies when they get excited, while fathers are quick to encourage and even heighten a child’s animated state.
Randall notes a “huge link” between romantic relationships and mental and physical health. Studies have shown that married people are healthier in many ways than singles, particularly singles who have gone through the difficulty of divorce. And relationship conflict can lead to physical disorders such as high blood pressure.
So what can a couple do when working together doesn’t come naturally?
Couples should try to “listen openly to a partner’s perspective, without judgment or defensiveness, and to negotiate — you have to be willing to give to get,” said clinical psychologist Sarah Holley at San Francisco State University.
Radkowsky agrees, and said people often believe it’s the job of their partner to meet their needs, which he calls “the enemy of cooperation.” He said each person in a couple shouldn’t be afraid to meet their own needs, separately.
“People don’t grasp that part of being a happy couple is also being two strong individuals,” he said. “It’s good to be in charge of your own mood no matter how your partner feels.”

What's happening around Saudi Arabia

RIYADH: The Saudi Commission for Tourism and National Heritage (SCTNH) has encouraged businessmen to invest in tourism villages in Asir region.“Tourism villages are considered to be one of the most attractive options in the province,” said Mohammad A...
RIYADH: The General Presidency for Youth Welfare (GPYW) has taken part in serving pilgrims and visitors to the Two Holy Mosques as part of the organization’s voluntary and humanitarian work. In his statement, the head of the Riyadh office, Abdulrahma...
RIYADH: Prince Faisal bin Bandar, governor of Riyadh, opened on Wednesday 20 environmentally friendly entertainment projects with a total area of more than 270,000 sq. meters. Among interesting features of these new parks are replicas of the Eiffel T...
JEDDAH: Children and youths afflicted with cancer in the Eastern Province have launched a campaign against terrorist attacks. The patients, their families and doctors have slammed the attacks, which saw many killed and injured, a local publication re...
RIYADH: The World Assembly of Muslim Youth (WAMY) is a major player when it comes to relief work in countries wrecked by human tragedies, Secretary-General Saleh Al-Wohaibi said on Tuesday.He was addressing some 700 guests at the 13th annual iftar pa...
JEDDAH: The General Committee for the Municipal Elections has issued new regulations to oversee the polls, which will be taking place on Dec. 12, 2015.The rules released on Monday spelled out requirements for council members, list of violations and a...
JEDDAH: The Martyrs Fund has announced that it disburses 75 percent of its annual revenues to helping the needy families of martyrs, the wounded, prisoners of war and missing persons.Approximately 25 percent of the revenues is allocated for further i...
RIYADH: Prince Alwaleed bin Talal, chairman of Kingdom Holdings, has announced that his entire $32 billion fortune would be donated to charity after his death.The prince told reporters at his offices in Riyadh on Wednesday that he would move his asse...
MADINAH: Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques King Salman arrived in Madinah on Tuesday accompanied by several princes and senior officials for his first visit since ascending the throne. He was met at the airport by Madinah Gov. Prince Faisal bin Salma...
JEDDAH: The Council of Ministers has condemned the terrorist attacks in Kuwait, France, Tunisia and Egypt over the past few days.At its weekly meeting chaired by Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques King Salman on Monday night, the Cabinet said that the...
JEDDAH: The father of the suicide bomber who blew himself up in a mosque in Kuwait has blamed “evil” forces for his son’s behavior.Sounding confused and sad, Sulaiman Al-Gabbaa, the father of Fahad Al-Gabbaa, said: “An evil hand has sent my son to hi...
JEDDAH: The Saudi Traffic Department has denied that it is introducing new license plates for cars.It said hackers posted pictures of the supposedly new license plates on its Twitter account on Sunday. The department said the news, which went viral,...
JEDDAH: The Al-Haramain Train project is described as the largest public transportation project in the Middle East. This vital and strategic project is one of the implementation schemes of the mass expansion of the Saudi railway across the country.Th...
JEDDAH: The number of marriages between expatriates and Saudis has dropped 84 percent to 1,928 since the start of this Islamic year that began on Oct. 24, compared to the same period the previous year.The Ministry of Justice said that there were 12,0...
JEDDAH: The General Authority for Civil Aviation (GACA) launched the idea of a project called Watani to link all parts of the Kingdom by air by beefing up activities at important provincial airports.Capt. Abdul Hakim Badar, assistant vice president a...

Stay Connected

Facebook