Working mothers in a double bind

“About nine years ago I got divorced because my ex-husband felt I couldn’t cope with working as a teacher and at the same time fulfill my duties as a wife,” said Sahar, a woman Saudi teacher of 15 years and mother of three.

“I used to work 24/7. The moment I came home after school I would immediately enter the kitchen and prepare lunch for my husband and children. I would then iron my husband’s clothes, as he wasn’t fond of the housemaid doing this. I would then supervise my children while they completed their homework and then prepare my lessons for the next day,” she said, giving an outline of her daily routine.

“After Isha prayers in the evening, I would go back to the kitchen to prepare food for the next day and wait for my husband to return home before retiring to bed. Then I would wake up early for Fajr prayers, wake my children up, give them breakfast and get them ready for school. I’d only go to work once they’d all gone to school,” she added.

Sahar said her husband would constantly nag her and then finally asked her to choose between leaving working or a separation. “I chose the latter because I was sure that even if I opted for him, he would ultimately divorce me. A few months later he divorced me,” she said.

Nasreen, another Saudi female teacher of 16 years, has a similar story to tell. “Before I got married I was totally dependent on my maid for all housework,” she said. “Under my ex-husband’s wish, I learned to cook and would prepare meals for him all by myself. However, no matter what I did, he was difficult to please and would threaten to get another wife if I didn’t stop working,” she added.

“I thought he was just bluffing and teasing me but he then went ahead with it. He not only got himself a second wife but also sent me my divorce papers,” she said.

Prior to getting married, Huda’s ex-husband promised to allow her to work and said he understood that she is a workingwoman. “After a few months into the marriage, he began complaining and accusing me of not being able to balance between working and house chores,” she said.

“I tried my best to understand why he was complaining and came to understand that he preferred eating home cooked meals rather than takeaways,” she said.

Huda said some of her colleagues at school told her about a female cook who would deliver home cooked food at her home everyday. “I made arrangements with this women to cook for me and have the food delivered at my home at 2 pm everyday. I’d be at home by this time and her son would come with the food, I would pay him and take the food,” she said.

This carried on for an entire year until the day she was late returning home. “When the woman’s son came with the food, my ex-husband opened the door. It was then that he realized what had been going on. He was furious and divorced me,” she said.

Huda said she does not regret getting divorced. “Things happen. However, what really pains me is the fact that he’d promised to allow me to work and understand. He forgot his promises and left me just because of  food.”