Like Marilyn Monroe
Question: For several reasons I have always found myself dealing with women who are wealthier than I. This bothers me quite a lot at a deep psychological level. I try to hide it, but the feeling of uneasiness is there. I look at myself in the mirror and what I see does not thrill me. I perceive myself as too simple, too low-profile, with a less than strong personality, as someone who would pass unnoticed in a brilliant group of people. I therefore make an effort to fit in, to look as they do, to show that I “belong”. I endeavor to find cheaper clothes that resemble the elegant models that my friends buy in famous boutiques, I buy custom jewelry that could be mistaken for gold and precious stones, I save in excess to be able to afford expensive restaurants when I go out with them for dinner. I also try to imitate some of their behaviors, although I don’t approve of them. So I have recently started smoking and wearing stuff that I don’t find particularly suitable. I realize that all this is absurd, but I simply cannot help. I don’t want to leave this group while, at the same time, I realize that I am living a life that is not mine, that I behave not according to my nature. Is there anything I can do?
Answer: The environment you have accepted to live in, and that you want to make yours, is convincing you that — as “yourself” — you are not enough. Therefore, in order to “fit in”, as you say, you need to transform yourself into something else. You compare yourself to others and believe you can acquire what you think you are lacking by changing your appearance and your habits. You are allowing yourself to be convinced that you do not have “enough” (money, clothes, freedom of behavior and choices etc.) and that, therefore, you need to keep on “buying” (expensive clothes, the latest electronic gadget, the new French perfume…),”changing” (your mentality, beliefs, habits), “adding” (all kind of useless stuff), “using” (things that you don’t need). In so doing, you believe that, if you continue and succeed in imitating the ladies whom you seem to admire so much, you will also appear “rich and famous” like them. Mixing with them makes you feel important, glamorous. Do you honestly believe that belonging to this kind of “club” gives you luster, makes you better and happier? You actually don’t.
Reflect on the actual examples, values and valid ideas these people are offering you. Are they good, worth following? You already know that they aren’t. On the contrary. You admit that many of their habits are kind of bad, and you don’t approve of them. As long as you believe that being like others increases your value as a human being, you will keep being unaware of how important you “already” are. You deserve to be the “original” person that you are, without pettily imitating anybody else. Money, clothes and jewels don’t make you an individual worth of admiration. A few might envy wealth, but many more will appreciate a shining personality, a welcoming attitude, generous availability. A wise actress said that she preferred to be a first-class “herself” rather than a second-class copy of someone else. Who admires the myriad starlets who desperately tried to look like Marilyn Monroe? Only those who chose to be “themselves” and displayed their true talents became as admired and appreciated as Marilyn had been.
Here is one last word. The same can be said about those gentlemen who are convinced that the brand of their car, the show they make of their success, the high-society acquaintances of which they boast, are enough to make them outstanding individuals. It’s an illusion that many have. Let us not forget that castles built on sand don’t have any solid consistency. Wealth can certainly be good and provide desirable “castles”, but only if it is accompanied by the “solidity” of moral values.
Exercise: And I? Is it possible that I, too, might hide deep inside some desires and wishes that have nothing to do with true fulfillment?
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