Question: I don’t know why I never succeed in feeling totally satisfied.
I see faults in everything I do or acquire, or in situations I witness, and I usually get upset because I am unable to eliminate them. I would always like to make the best choice, I wish I could find a remedy or a solution to each problem. Am I dreaming of impossible perfection? I know that this is absurd, but I can’t help longing for an utopistic excellence.
Answer: As soon as you say, “This is good and that is bad,” “This person is more deserving than the other,” “ My (whatever) is better than yours,” you create a barrier between your mind and real perception, between your “sensing” and true awareness, between theory and experience.
Preferences, and consequently judgments, lead you to react negatively when reality is different from what you want. From here disagreement, friction or just dissatisfaction stems. You have created an imaginary world where everything and everyone is exactly the way you would like them to be. Circumstances are always favorable to you, even the weather! So, in your “heaven,” the sun always shines (if you live in a rainy country) or where it often rains (if you live in KSA!)
Now time has come to ask yourself whether this attitude of yours is the correct one. Can you really do something to improve certain situations? Are they under your control? Can you intervene to change an existing fact for the better? If you are dealing with a situation that “you” have created, it is only logical to presume that it is also in your hands to change it. You might believe that, once you said or did something that caused a problem, there is nothing you can do about it. It is not true. As hard as it might be, you can simply apologize, recognize your mistake and make amends.
It is unbelievable how something so easy as saying “I am sorry” can be an insurmountable boulder for certain human beings. They just cannot bring themselves to admit that they were wrong. You are referring to “yourself,” be assured that it’s usually possible to improve your way of being.
Nevertheless...be careful. You cannot always keep yourself under pressure in order to exercise a forced self-control. The change must happen slowly, step by step. You need to first understand the reasons why such change is necessary, accept them and then apply yourself to the gradual transformation of your behavior.
Talking about situations in general, there are things that you are allowed to change, but there are also others that you should face with the attitude of a simple “witness” (as you also said). Limit yourself to just look. Sometimes you might have to suffer but, when you realize that there is nothing you can do, because it’s not “your job” to do anything in such circumstance, the only possible action is a “non-action.”
Don’t let yourself be conditioned by your desire for perfection. This is a trait that can, if not changed, at least smoothed down. Continue trying to do and obtain the maximum, but don’t get mad if you are unable to straighten the tree’s branches. It is universally said that perfection does not belong to this world. Actually, the anomalies that are found both in nature and in mankind make creation varied, mysterious and fascinating. Don’t you think that — if everything moved along a straight line, without neither resting areas nor detours, without bends and bumps, the view and the journey itself would be rather dull and boring?
Exercise. Ask yourself and answer honestly.
Why can’t I accept the fact that certain things (which ones?) are beyond my control? (Make a list.) What is pushing me to try to adapt things and people to my own opinions? Am I insecure? Do I need constant approval and recognition?
E-mail: [email protected]
Blog: recreateyourlifetoday.blogspot.com
Creative Thinking: Is perfection ‘utopia’?
