A temptation most people give in to is the question: “Why?” Unfortunately, only seldom do they get a satisfying answer. Why does this happen? Here we go again: I am asking “why”. But this is not all. I also say, “Why do we ask such a question?” It is logical to believe that there is an intrinsic, innate need in human beings to discover the cause of what is going on around them as well as inside themselves. Who doesn’t wish to know the reason for their swinging moods, for a friend’s behavior, for a partner’s changed feelings? We also wonder (at least I do!) about seemingly illogical happenings which, nevertheless… keep happening.
When you were in school, you had a teacher whom you disliked: he (or she) was unkind, or too strict, or unavailable, or unhelpful. Every year you hoped that all your new teachers would be pleasant, but you ended up always having at least one whom you regularly were in contrast with. You never understood the reason. The same pattern showed up in your relationships. “I am always kind toward everyone,” you say, “It’s not fair that I don’t always receive the same treatment. I wish I knew why.” You are nice and generous with your children and they often accuse you of unheard-of mistakes. You are sure you carried out your task properly and your boss complains of imaginary (in your opinion) inaccuracy in the execution of your work.
I was reminded of this puzzling question while listening to a physicist talking about scientific matters. He said these intriguing words, “We should probably switch the question from “Why?” to “How?” Interesting, I thought. Worth thinking about it. He affirmed that big questions can have many answers that, in the end, converge into the same one. In this way it is even possible to make contrasting theories agree with each other. A well-known Italian proverb says “All the roads lead to Rome,” making reference to the fact that, at the time of the Roman Empire, Rome had built numberless roads spreading throughout the Empire which, of course, would find their beginning and ending always back in the Capital.
How can we apply this idea to our problem? My often-quoted author Anthony de Mello, SJ writes in one of his incomparable short sketches:
Pupil: “Master, where do we come from?”
Master: “Where does your question come from?”
I have thought about this at length and the answer I have come up with is that everything comes from inside ourselves. Therefore also the answers to your questions can be discovered in the deep of your spirit, if you take the time to search for them. To help you in such search you can use the “How?” suggestion previously mentioned. For example: The result you got seems incomprehensible, due to the premises? Maybe it is not totally true. You may have overlooked some details which determined the shifting of some data in a way that changed the outcome. Your friend behaves inappropriately? How have you recently behaved toward him/her? What other reasons may have caused these results? “How” did it happen?
Sometimes it is easy to detect the origin of a problem, of a peculiar reaction or behavior — if you are willing to reflect upon it — other times it is not. Other times it takes a much greater effort because the cause may be a long-forgotten episode, a word, an action you are presently totally unaware of, but which may have had a great impact on someone or something else. As a consequence (totally unexpected to you) the situation is the way it is, “now”. Episodes that have been insignificant to you, that have meant nothing, that you have even erased from your memory as unimportant, may have possibly remained engraved into the mind of another, determining their present attitude. On the other hand, you have to admit that some questions simply “do not” have an answer like, for instance, a well-pondered decision that turns out unsatisfactory. The answer surely exists, because nothing can remain “hanging” in a void, but you (and I, and all) must accept the idea that, perhaps, it is not the right time for you to know. Life is mysterious indeed and, sometimes, you simply have to accept the fact that your intelligence, your capacity of understanding has limits. At this point Creative Thinking suggests: Take this apparent setback as a need for reflection in order to plan your next step more carefully.
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