Creative Thinking: What not to hear

A TV program that I like a lot is called “What Not To Wear”. Here the hosts, both fashion experts, try to teach unfashionable, often sloppy people to abandon their old way because it makes them look almost ugly. They help them discover the most appropriate look for their age, environment, tastes and personality. It’s not just a fashion program. It is a sort of “positive, creative thinking” show where the participants are guided toward re-discovering the beauty and uniqueness of who they really are.
The way you dress can certainly say a lot about who you are, but the way you act and “react” says a lot more. There is a little story that has repeatedly given me the opportunity to reflect upon the importance of “reaction” and has made me change my outlook on this subject. Here it is.
There was a wise man, the village teacher, who was suddenly (falsely) accused of having committed a dishonest act. He was threatened and warned to make amends, financially and otherwise. All he answered to those accusations was, “Very well.” And he serenely did what he had been asked to do. After some time the real culprit came forward, so the repented indicters ran back to the wise man and begged for his forgiveness. All he answered was, again, “Very well”.
A wonderful lesson in wisdom, isn’t it? Does it seem to you that having such a strong, untouchable moral fiber is almost inhuman? Maybe it is, but you will probably never find yourself in such a difficult predicament, either. Your life is mainly composed of little daily annoyances and these are the ones we are trying to deal with, here. Although they may be “small”, they are also able to bother you and cause trouble in your life. It might therefore be useful to briefly but carefully consider your position.
If someone criticizes you, for example, how do you usually react? You can respond in different ways. The most instinctive one is to get angry, offended, all worked up. “How do they dare?”, you think, “I don’t deserve it. They are lying”. If you are a more self-confident person, you may refuse the criticism altogether, and discard it as absurd because you believe you are beyond any negative judgment. You have a very high opinion of yourself and of your capacities. All right, but... are you really above any criticism, all the time? Is anybody ever?
On the other hand, you can take the “offensive” words into consideration. How often do you do this? Here, too, two possibilities are available: if you honestly believe that what was said about you is not true – not out of conceit but out of true knowledge of yourself –just ignore it and walk away. Don’t allow yourself to get upset by what you know to be false. Not being happy about what you heard is natural, but do not nurse the feeling. Experience it and release it. You can overlook that judgment because you know who you are.
Conversely (and here you need a great amount of open-mindedness), if you dig deeply into what was said, you might discover that the criticism you received might be actually well deserved. In this case, it would be wise for you to ponder on what you didn’t like to hear and try to understand it. When you understand it, you can learn from it and not repeat the same mistake. Someone said you are too tough in dealing with your co-workers? Were you accused of manipulating a certain situation? She said you are too old (or fat) to wear that kind of dress? They say you talk too much about your achievements, your money, your clothes, your parties? You are criticized as stuck-up? as too humble? as too needy for recognition?
A consideration should console you: each human being has been talked about, one time or another. If you are alive, if you exist in a certain environment, if you have a place in society, you must be ready to be “attacked”, more or less maliciously, if not today, maybe tomorrow or the day after. I once read this saying which, I admit, sounds a bit gruesome, but it explains this concept perfectly. “No one kicks a dead dog”.
If you are wise, you learn how to deal with this kind of nuisance when it presents itself, challenging your pride and, yes, also your vanity. If you are not wise enough, you will keep on being bothered... forever. People love to talk about others. Don’t you, too – every now and then, honestly?

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