Disappointment is a topic we never think, talk or write about enough! It is an experience common to all, and it is one of the most devastating ones.
I am using here the adjective “devastating” on purpose, although many may not agree on my choice of word because they might find it to be an exaggeration. But, actually, it is not.
Disappointment, more often than not, impacts our lives quite negatively and it leaves a strong trail behind. Just stop a moment and bring back to your memory a time when a friend did not support you, when you were treated unfairly, when you did not get the credit you believed you deserved. How does it feel? I am sure that the wound is still open and your deepest self still experiences the burn! After all this time!
Disappointment can be faced in different ways because human beings are different: a shrug, tears, resignation or rage. Any such reaction is never the best one because, in a way or another, it causes a psychological storm inside one’s body as well as inside one’s spirit. A letdown can really hurt and leave a permanent, indelible scar in the memory and in the soul.
Even those who show that they don’t care or that they have overcome it, will actually never forget it. Why is disappointment such a strong feeling? Because it has something in common with betrayal. You believe you have done all you had to do to get a certain result, you “trusted,” but the result did not materialize. Or, even if it did materialize, it didn’t yield the outcome you expected.
You feel that you don’t deserve such a treatment, that you have been dealt unfairly with. It might be that someone had promised you a favor, and you counted on it because you really wanted or needed it.
But they did not keep their word. A friend offered to help you out in solving a problem (or simply to fix your car or give you a hand in choosing an outfit), but later he/she found an excuse to withdraw or, even worse, they forget all about it.
Breaking a commitment made about doing something for another is a real betrayal. That’s why it is so upsetting and difficult to accept. It makes you feel that “they don’t care”!
Meanwhile, I have also come across a quite interesting consideration: “disappointment” is inevitable while “discouragement” is a choice. Is it true? You are disappointed when you don’t achieve the results you wished for: things don’t turn out “right,” people behave “wrongly” etc. Can you avoid any of this? Hardly. Things happen the way they do, people are the way they are and you have to face different kinds of challenges on a daily basis.
Anyway, isn’t this what life is made of?
But being discouraged implies a different situation. You don’t know how to face the challenge. Maybe you “know” but you don’t feel like doing it, maybe you don’t trust yourself enough, you don’t believe you can do it, you wonder if it’s worth it to make the effort.
And this is dangerous, because — by accepting it — you put yourself on the direct route toward depression, i.e. feeling that such kind of life isn’t what you want, feeling a victim, and so on. But, in truth, isn’t this the only kind of life available to you? You simply have to choose how to manage it, what to do with it. Difficult task? Maybe.
But a strong motivation, accompanied by willpower, can make it happen.
— Elsa Franco Al Ghaslan, a Saudi English instructor and published author (in Italy), is a long-time scholar of positive thinking.
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