Once upon a time a traveler, passing through a village, saw a sign in a shop window that said, “Happiness sold here”. He immediately went in and asked, “I would like to buy the amount of happiness that will last my whole life”.
“Sorry, sir, answered the salesperson, here we only sell seeds”. This reminds me of two men I am acquainted with who have not been able to reap the “crops” they expected and hoped for because they did not sow the right “seeds”. The first man dedicated most of his life to his job to the extent of neglecting his own family. He was a good man, honest and faithful, but he had his priorities wrong.
He used to leave early in the morning, before his children woke up, and come back late in the evening, when the boys were already asleep. He stayed in his office much longer than the other employees because, he used to say, he felt he had a lot of responsibilities. Home from work, he was too tired to have any conversation with his wife.
Thus, years and years slipped by without him realizing that he was missing seeing his kids grow up and also failing to establish a better emotional relationship with his wife. When he retired, he found that his boys were already adults, had made important choices, of which he had been only vaguely aware. They had been raised without his participation and now they were almost strangers to him. Their relation kept moving in a rather formal way, with no real intimacy and confidence.
The story concerning the second man, although it followed a different pattern, yielded similar results. Actually, such results were even worse for one reason. While the first man had been away from home and therefore missed what was going on there, the second was around all right, but he gave almost no attention to what was happening. When his children came back from school, willing to share their experiences, the father would sit there, totally absent minded, either reading the newspaper or listening to the news.
He never shared lunch or dinner with his family because he claimed his timing was different. He was a sort of “ghost” who, dramatically, believed he was being the “head of the family”. When his children grew up, not only did they feel estranged from their father, they also felt resentful towards him because he “had been there” but had ignored them for most of the time. They had been raised in the presence of an almost “invisible” Dad.
I wonder how many fathers believe that work is more important than spending time with wife and kids, how many are convinced that it is enough for them to show their faces a couple of times a day in the family room to make them responsible fathers. In this kind of scenario, it is the wife who takes care of the children, listens to them, heals their “wounds”, supports and advices them, is always available to welcome their sharing, their complaints, doubts and hopes.
Either you have (or had) a father who resembles one of the above mentioned in any way, or you don’t, carefully check how “you” are dealing with your own children. Make a thorough exam on the amount of time you dedicate to them, how often you ask them about their life, school, friends, likes and dislikes. See what you really “know” about them. Be honest with yourself and see how available or non-available you usually are (typical answers are, “Not now”, “I’m busy”, “Tell mum”, “ I have no time”, “Later” etc.).
Life could be so much easier and happier if people were aware of their “role” and accepted to fulfill it. As a teacher should teach at the best of his/her ability in order to benefit the students, as an accountant should be meticulous with his/her tasks in order not to damage the company they work for, similarly parents should be conscious of the enormous responsibilities they accepted the moment they gave life to a new human being.
Creative Thinking: Sowing happiness
