To alleviate my current attack of stir-craziness (which has nothing to do with the current hostage situation in Mindanao), I read the 2001 Zagat Survey of international airlines.
The popular airline survey is based on the responses of 12,000 people who took four international flights in a year. It is estimated that the survey covers at least 47,000 flights, which means that nearly every airline flying on any given day carried someone who joined the survey.
Airlines were rated for comfort, service, and food on a scale of 0-30. A rating of 0-9 meant “poor to fair,” while 26-30 meant “extraordinary to perfection.” Only the airlines which got at least 100 surveyor responses and offered international service to and from the US were included.
Singapore Airlines topped every single category for both premium and economy classes. The surveyors do not exaggerate: a coach seat in Singapore Airlines is more luxurious and comfortable than my house, and certainly offers more viewing choices.
The Top 10 Overall were Singapore, Virgin Atlantic, Cathay Pacific, Thai Airways, Air New Zealand, Swissair, Quantas, Japan Airlines, British Airways, and South African Airways for premium class, and the same line-up with SAS (Scandinavian) instead of British for economy. That’s four Asian carriers, two from Australia and New Zealand, three European (two of them British), and one African.
I know this is politically incorrect, but I can’t help noting that apart from the two British-owned airlines (British and Virgin), five (Singapore, Cathay, Air New Zealand, Quantas and South African) are carriers of Commonwealth states or former British colonies.
The Zagat Survey is too polite to point out the lowest-ranked airlines, so I will do it for you. The airline with the poorest marks in all categories was Russia’s Aeroflot, which one surveyor described as “not for the faint of heart.” The planes, which are said to be “older than grandma,” reportedly “vibrate enough for a good massage.”
The other airline which apparently offered more thrills than passengers could handle was Garuda Indonesia, whose pilots “seem to have a knack for avoiding smooth air.”
Based on the comments and numerical ratings, I put together a few more categories: bad food, lousy flight attendants, smoky atmosphere, free-flowing drinks, and all-around hilarity and/or fun.
The airlines which got the worst marks for food were: (1) Aeroflot, which got four out of a possible 30 points; passengers are required to “eat your dinner or be scolded by flight attendants.” (2) EgyptAir, where the bottled water was said to be the highlight of the meal. (3) Aerolineas Argentinas, Aeromexico, and Mexicana, where the food ratings ranged from “blah” to “mediocre.” I have to note that Latin American cuisine uses lots of beans, which is probably not the best food to serve in enclosed spaces.
In the lousy flight attendants category: (1) Aeroflot, with the aforementioned scolding crew. (2) Olympic Airways of Greece, “an Athens bus with wings” featuring “argumentative flight attendants.” (3) Air-India, whose staff “defines no problem as your problem, not mine ; and EgyptAir, where the staff is reportedly “distracted.” El Al service was rated “good to very good,” but passengers of the airline considered “best for security” complained that the flight attendants “should have remained in the military.”
Survey participants noted the smoky atmosphere on Air China, Garuda, Air-India, and yes, Philippine Airlines. The formerly smoky LOT Polish was said to have improved: no more “smoking on one side of the aisle, non-smoking on the other.”
Flying Turkish was “like flying in an ashtray,” while Olympic was likened to “a smoke-filled hall in the air.” Cigarettes did serve a useful purpose on Aeroflot: the matches lighting cigarettes were reportedly the only source of heat in February.
In the fun category, Virgin was the winner with lots of snacks, massages in upper class, “manicures at 2:00 a.m.,” and “chirpy service.” No in-flight games, though-Cebu Pacific wasn’t in the survey.
The word “hilarious” came up twice in the surveyors’ comments. Air-India was described as “scary but hilarious,” whatever that means. Asiana was cited for the “hilarious aerobic stretching exercises to music before landing.”
I almost forgot: Philippine Airlines had an average score of 16, which is not bad, although surveyors noted that “passengers bring too many carry-on bags.” Hey, it’s a cultural thing. We have to bring pasalubong (gifts) for our entire barangay (village), and we like to keep an eye on our possessions.
Remember to address all complaints and objections not to me, but to Zagat Survey, [email protected]. As for me, I have resolved to fly on Aeroflot someday.
There’s nothing like an adventure.
