Q. Is it the role of the parents only to decide on their children’s marriage without even asking their son or daughter? What if either one does not wish to be married to the chosen party? If the marriage contract is already done without the consent of either, what is the position? What should the party concerned do if they do not agree to the marriage?
M. Khan
A. The answer is clearly outlined in the following Hadith reported by Aishah: “A young woman came to me and said: ‘My father married me to a nephew of his, hoping to improve his social standing, and I dislike this marriage.’ I told her to wait until the Prophet returns. When he came back, she told him, and he sent for her father. When he came, the Prophet put the matter to her. The woman then said: ‘Now I choose what my father has done, but I wanted to know whether women have any say’.” There are several other Hadiths confirming this principle. To quote but one: “A man married his virgin daughter without obtaining her consent first. She complained to the Prophet and he annulled the marriage.” (Related by Al-Nassaie)
The principle of seeking a woman’s consent to her own marriage is reiterated in a large number of authentic Hadiths. Abu Hurayrah quotes the Prophet as saying: “A widow may not be married unless she is consulted, and a virgin may not be married unless her consent is obtained. People asked, ‘How does she consent?’ He said: ‘She keeps quiet’.” (Related by Muslim)
It is clear from these Hadiths, and many others, that no marriage may be valid without the consent of both parties. If parents go through the formalities of marriage of a son or daughter, then the matter is up to the person concerned. He or she may either approve or reject the marriage. If the marriage is thus rejected, it is formally annulled. This, however, may require going through certain processes to conform to the laws operative in a particular society. Perhaps I should add that it is forbidden for a father to marry his daughter away without her consent.
Arab News Islam 22 November 2002
