Many agree that it will take a miracle to get us out of the quagmire we find ourselves in today. Alas the era of miracles is long past and all we have are stories and fables that touch on the dreams of the weak.
A joke linked to miracles and the current situation goes like this: “One day an Arab governor was looking into the state of his subjects and, while walking through a poor neighborhood, happened upon a magic lamp. He rubbed it enthusiastically and a genie appeared saying: ‘I am your slave. Make your request, oh master.’ The governor said, ‘Rid me of America and its allies. They want to change the map of the region. Make my people truly love me and let the opposition stop fighting and abusing me. Get these human rights organizations off my back.’
“The genie felt the difficulty of granting so complex a request and said, ‘Ask again, master, but make it more reasonable.’ The governor thought for a while and then said: ‘I have grown old but to this day I have not been able to tap the Arab woman’s mind. I don’t understand what she means by her silence. I can’t tell when she agrees or when she disagrees nor can I tell her joy from her anger. Just like any Arab man, I have let her down and not helped her reach her goals. Can you tell me a good way to communicate with her?’
“The genie was in torment — he gathered his composure and quickly said: ‘Let’s go back to your first request; perhaps we may find a window of opportunity to improve your situation and remove the American presence.’”
I recall when my father warned us not to go outside and mix with boys. He always used the same words, “The men outside are beasts.” These frightening words stayed with me through my teen years. This warning is still handed out to girls in the Arab world, especially in conservative societies. Not to overlook the other side of the story, we find that boys — the “beasts” — are no better off. They are brought up with the idea that the girl is a “beauty” and is weak, so it is up to the male to defend her and protect her from anything that will mar her purity; at the same time, he is warned that she is also the greatest source of temptation. This warning is still followed by the majority of people in bringing up their children.
Today’s technology has made young people practice the art of wearing masks — the beasts meet the beauties in dark corners or on computer screens. Consequently, the myth grows because they find no opportunity to understand each other. Time is short and the places are bursting with checkpoints. The prevalent error becomes more widespread, such that “beauty” is a victim and can easily err and that “beast” is always armed with a wicked hidden agenda and will cold-bloodedly use and abuse and then just walk away. Because of these and other traditional myths, everyone is robbed of the chance to build healthy relationships and each party is ignorant of the other. Consequently, we need a miracle so that we may once again have a healthy atmosphere and fertile land to sow natural, mature and responsible relationships.
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(Wajeha Al-Howaider is a program analyst at Aramco. She holds an MA in Reading Management from George Washington University.)
Arab News Features 21 March 2003
