No one knows how many Saudis have married their maids. But while there are no statistics, the phenomenon is clearly widespread, says a survey conducted by Sayidaty, a sister publication of Arab News.
Saudis wishing to marry foreigners must obtain the Interior Ministry’s permission lest they should lose certain rights and privileges.
A mother forces her son, Ahmad, to marry her sister’s daughter. The mother then frequently takes her daughter-in-law out while Ahmad remains at home with the maid. When the maid’s contract ends and she has to return to Indonesia on final exit, Ahmad finds that he cannot live without her.
Ahmad follows her to Indonesia. Assisted by a friend at the ministry, he obtains a marriage permit and marries the maid. They now live in his house in Riyadh, where the family accept Ahmad’s new wife because they are used to her presence.
His first wife gives way and agrees to return to her family with the children.
Abo Naif, in his 40s, talks about his marriage to an Indian woman. “After I married my first wife, I discovered that she did not care about me and never took care of the house. She never cooked, she never cleaned. She was obsessed with her looks. She was vanity personified.
“So she let the maid clean the bedroom. At first I didn’t like that.
“My wife just treated me as if I didn’t exist. But my maid was the one who took care of me, so why should anyone object to my marrying her? I don’t regret it at all. If my first wife wants a divorce, I won’t hesitate. My marriage to my maid should be a lesson to the lazy wives out there.”
Sayidaty wanted to hear a woman’s point of view. “I met my husband through a matchmaker,” Sara says. “We lived together happily for a few years, but I couldn’t have children. Nonetheless he loved me very much and couldn’t refuse me anything.
“When he told me that he wanted to marry another woman because he wanted children, I didn’t believe him, so I didn’t worry about it.
“I had an Indonesian maid, and I asked my husband to send her back because I couldn’t communicate with her. He completed all the formalities in front of me. He even bought the air ticket.
“I believed she had left the country.
“One day my friend came over to my house and spilled the beans. She had seen my husband, who was supposed to be away on business, in the market with the maid. I told her it was impossible because she had left the country two months ago.
“When my husband came back from his alleged business trip I confronted him with my suspicions. He did not deny anything. He told me that he married her and she had been living with him for two months. I cried hysterically at first, but then I realized he wasn’t worth crying for. So I decided to go back to my family. He followed me there but I asked him for a divorce. He refused.
“My father convinced me to return to my house and I did. But now my husband is living with a wife who hates him and does not respect him as a man. He has humiliated me. Of all the women in the world, why did he have to fall for a maid?”
Umm Abdul Majeed had four children with her husband, the oldest of whom is at university. “After I had had several children, I asked my husband to hire a maid who could help me out in the house. The maid turned out to be a real help. Even my children loved her.
“I trusted her completely, and when I went to visit my relatives, I left her behind with my husband and children.”
When Umm was staying with her sick mother in Abha, she called her family every day, and during their holidays her children came to see her there. Umm spent the year until her mother’s death in Abha.
“When I went back to my house, I was shocked to find that my maid was the woman of the house. She had married my husband. Worse still, my children were calling her mother.
“When I asked him why he did it to me he said that he was alone with a maid and he was afraid to be sexually involved with her, so he married her. The maid understood him and his needs. Of course, I refused to share the house with someone who used to be my maid.
“But I am confused now. I don’t want to leave him because of my children, but I want to take revenge because my dignity is badly bruised.”
Arab News Features 21 March 2003
