Shock and awe, shock and awe, shock and awe. As if the endless repetition of this mantra of the Coalition of the Willing could bring about the eagerly anticipated cakewalk in Iraq. Stiff resistance, repeated incidents of less than friendly fire, not so smart bombs that target civilians and severe sandstorms are causing some to wonder whether they are not simply witnessing the Collapse of the Wilting.
In truth, even if many around the world would like to see the invaders get a bloody nose, no one can seriously doubt that the Anglo-American forces will eventually prevail. However, a longer than anticipated war with unacceptably high casualties on both sides could seriously affect the re-election prospects of the B-Boys, Tony and Bush. There is still more bad news for them. Not only does waging smart wars run into the strato-billions, but once this one is over, there are many candidate countries that could qualify as the next likely target. Given the present economic conditions, the B-Boys risk finding themselves leading a Coalition of the Still Willing but Unable. What to do? How to contain a realigning Axis of Evil which, left unattended, risks growing into a veritable matrix?
While many argue about the virtues of “embedded” journalists and their ability to maintain professional integrity, even as they are virtually captive in their host units, few now see where this trend will lead. In future, cameras will be on the move 24/7 with all units of all branches of the armed services of all adversaries. This is the missing link that will finally free governments from their fiscal constraints which would otherwise preclude them from waging war. Sponsorship is the answer. Think about it! The possibilities are endless! If a mere tennis player can sell rights to over a dozen body parts to sponsors, why not the military? With sponsors on board, there will no longer be agonizing drawn-out budget battles. Congress, Parliament and People’s Assemblies can be bypassed.
For starters, GI outfits could be GAP-cool. On the other hand, elite units could opt for the Army Armani look. Not to be outdone, Versace could outbid the rest of the pack for the right to dress the generals, although Hermes could try to muscle in on the silk neck scarves much loved by big brass. Enterprising designers could vie for the undergarment contract. An agreement could be reached with gunners who, upon registering a deadly hit on the enemy, would be contractually obligated to remove their flak jackets while triumphantly running around their vehicles, thereby exposing the branded T-shirt. As a light-hearted finale to each battle of the war, the first tank commander to charge into a besieged city would be filmed popping his head out of the turret and triumphantly declaring: “We’re going to Disneyland.”
There is money on offer not merely to the winners. War can be lucrative for losers as well. A severely outgunned nation could make up for its future humiliation by starting a pre-war bidding war between deodorant giants Old Spice and Ban. Up for grabs are the patches to be sown under the uniform armpits.
As the soldiers predictably surrender en masse, a contract clause will stipulate that arms need be at no less than 13 percent off the vertical so that logos are clearly visible to TV viewers, even if the prisoners’ faces are pixilated.
Humanitarian agencies could also get into the act. In these days of extended donor fatigue, why spend so much on campaigns to raise the sorely needed funds? The answer, of course, is to sell, sell, sell! Lucrative deals could be made with outdoor gear companies such as Patagonia, Land’s End and Speedo. Given that their trademarks are omnipresent, they would only be too happy to supply everything in the tent cities set up to receive millions of war refugees annually.
Winner nations eager to spin a humane angle to their warmongering could offset the cost of a kinder-gentler gesture with, you got it, advertisers! TV producers could make sure brand names were clearly visible as a seemingly magnanimous victor wearing Nike, handed out New Balance shoes to the barefooted army and populace of the defeated enemy.
Sponsored wars are just around the corner. The stars will be the latter-day gladiators. Clothes, make-up, jewelry and accessories will just be the start. Designer AK-47s and RPGs will soon follow. Les Must de Cartier will feature beautifully crafted personal arms for “Beautiful People” whose First Amendment right to bear arms is sacrosanct. Satellite and on-line betting shops will post the odds and take bets not only on opponents, but on the success rate of competing units fighting on the same side. Warriors’ Unions will spring up to protect their rights and negotiate contracts. Governments, driven by the desire for yet more profits, will eventually give in to the demands of agents representing the gladiators as regards the draft, free agency, transfers etc. These New Age Warriors will attain the status of international superheroes.
War is the ultimate in live entertainment and wars will soon take place for war’s sake. Interactive wars with viewers calling the next shots and targets will not be far behind. Politicians will be marginalized as CEOs of multinationals and their prized warriors will sway the world’s masses. If all this sounds implausible, consider the advances made in war reporting since Vietnam and ponder their implications. You too might then come to the conclusion that we are about to witness the dawn of a new age. Sustainable War, the dream of military planners since time immemorial, is at hand. It is even more predictable than the fall of Baghdad.
(Hamza Dushgani is a Saudi writer based in Jeddah. He can be contacted at [email protected])
Arab News Features 1 April 2003
