How we love to show off! Or so I said to myself upon hearing about some extravagant wakes in Saudi Arabia. But first of all let me explain the basics of what happens in our country when someone dies. There is a simple and dignified show of grief by the family and relatives, at least for the official first three days of mourning.
Years ago, as we have heard from our elders, people used to take care of the family that had experienced the loss. Neighbors used to take it upon themselves to bring food and keep the bereaved family company. It was such a simple show of support and a down-to-earth approach to a sad occasion.
Yet since our society has changed, old habits have too, and of course new ones have slipped in. Funerals in the affluent segment of our society have become all about showing other people how much money they have, a parade of wealth that turns a somber event into just another occasion for showing off. People talk for a long time about how some people change the furniture in their houses to hold a wake or a funeral. A friend told me about a funeral in which there was food provided by one of Jeddah’s most famous and prestigious wedding halls. She described all sorts of exotic food and how she had been surprised to find the buffet loaded with all sorts of delicacies. “They had small heaps of profiteroles filled with ice cream and chocolate!” she reported. People who go to condole on these occasions even go to hairdressers before to make sure that all is the latest fashion — and to top it all, they even apply make-up in a way that has become known in the salons in Jeddah as “Funeral Make-up!”
So the scene is played as follows. The family of the deceased plans a big “somber” party for friends and relatives. They have to get new furniture and redecorate the house, order food from the best restaurants and sit in a row waiting for people to come and be impressed at their taste and wealth. Some mourners parade by showing off designer accessories. Believe me, you can see every new trend on these occasions — shoes, bags, the latest make-up and of course, the most expensive and ornate jewelry.
What is happening here? I asked myself. How can some people in our society be so detached from the world around them? For them, it’s all about money and showing off that money. It’s not fair to say that these people are a majority but it has become a kind of competition between rich people and it makes one wonder what is going on in our society.
From mountains of ice cream and chocolate to sermons, another fashion is spreading. On these occasions, you’ll find more than one person who sits there, addressing people by giving a religious speech. Some of these volunteers are qualified and knowledgeable and they say words of comfort to the mourners. On the other hand, some of these individuals do not have much knowledge and the surprising thing is how people accept their words as what must be heeded. Even if the speaker shows a disgraceful lack of knowledge, people show them reverence and respect and unquestioned trust. A well-known scholar once commented with regret, “You cannot practice medicine or law without a degree, whereas when it comes to religion, people do not ask if someone is qualified to pass religious judgments.”
Yes, in our society all you have to do is show off; you don’t have to know much or even possess much but definitely a show-off will get plenty of attention and notice. The upsetting and frightening thing is that the younger generation is very much infected by this disease. A large group of our young people care far too much about material things, a new car, always being fashionable by buying all the world’s designer labels and following the latest social trends. We seem to have given this generation only the most superficial look at both life and death.
Arab News Opinion 29 April 2003
