Q. Could you please explain whether a woman has the right to question her husband on certain matters after he comes home from work, or she should only keep quiet?
M.Z. Ahmad
A. The Prophet (peace be upon him) provided the best example of good family relations. His directives stress most emphatically the need for kindly and caring treatment between man and wife. Such emphasis was needed for several reasons: The first was the fact that Islam establishes a norm of marital relations that is in stark contrast to the values that prevailed in Arabian society at the time, where women were treated as much inferior to men. Secondly, the Prophet realized that women were always vulnerable to ill-treatment, and often unable to find help when they are ill-treated or abused by their husbands or other men folk. Thirdly, he made it clear that only a bad person is unkind to women. Fourthly, he wanted to establish the fact that good treatment of women earns good reward from God. Hence, the Prophet stressed this at every turn. Even on his deathbed, the Prophet continued to urge Muslims to treat women kindly. Moreover, the Prophet provided a practical example. He consulted his wives on serious matters, and acted on their advice. He helped them when they needed help, and attended to all their needs. When Aishah, his wife, described his conduct at home, she said: “He used to repair his robes, mend his shoes, and attend to all his family’s needs.”
Unfortunately, in some areas of the Muslim world, the status of woman is in marked contrast with Islamic teachings. Whereas Islam treats women as equal to men in every respect, some communities pay little attention to this and continue with their tradition of looking at women as inferior.
They stress that the position of a woman is to obey her husband in whatever he says and that he may not be questioned on what he does. This is totally unacceptable in Islam. Consider, if you will, how God describes Himself in the Qur’an: “He cannot be questioned about whatever He does, whereas they shall be questioned.” (21: 23) When a man finds it unacceptable that his wife should ask him about what he did in his day and tells her to keep quiet, is he not behaving in a way that is appropriate only for God? When the Prophet came home, his wives always asked him about what he did and what response he met with. Our way of looking at the husband and wife relationship needs much reform in order to bring it in line with Islamic teachings and with the example shown by the Prophet. What we must always remember is that this relationship should always be built on mutual care and respect.
Atonement for Abortion
Q. Please inform us on what should be done in the case of abortion already done, knowingly or unknowingly, within the first few weeks of pregnancy.
M. Naseem
A. I do not understand how abortion can be done unknowingly. Abortion requires the intervention of a doctor or someone else to terminate a pregnancy. The pregnant woman would know that her pregnancy is being terminated. If she does not know and her husband or someone else arranges for it, then that person is guilty. The woman in this case is blameless.
Abortion is forbidden. Some scholars of old times mentioned that it is permissible within the first 120 days of conception. But as medical knowledge advanced, contemporary scholars are increasingly leaning to the view that abortion is forbidden from the very first day of conception. As a forbidden act, its commitment requires repentance and seeking God’s forgiveness. The repentance must be genuine, coupled with a resolve not to do it again. It also incurs the payment of blood money, which in this case is known as ghurrah, which varies according to the age of the pregnancy.
Unlawful Marriage
Q. A friend of mine is married to a Hindu woman who has given him three children. The children have Muslim names, but his wife remains a Hindu. Now he realizes that this should not continue. Can he force his wife to convert to Islam if she refuses to do so voluntarily?
S.J. Hussain
A. Your friend certainly cannot, and must not, try to force his wife to accept Islam. Faith is the result of conviction, not coercion. God says in the Qur’an: “No compulsion is admissible in matters of religion.” (2: 256) Besides, if he forces his wife, and she feels that she must do what he asks her to do, what will the result be? She simply will say the declaration that Muslims say, but it will be a mere verbal formality, with no conviction. Will she be a Muslim as a result? Certainly not. It is all a question of conviction. You say that his children have Muslim names. So what? Are they brought up as Muslims? One or two Christians in Arab countries have called their sons Muhammad. Does this mean that the father or the son is a Muslim? Certainly not, unless either or both make a conscious decision to be a Muslim and acts on such a decision.
Your friend should have looked into this question long time ago, before he got married. You have not told me whether he realizes the full implication of his negligence. Well, his marriage may be approved by the civil law in his country, but it is not recognized as valid from the Islamic point of view.
What he should do now is to explain to his wife how their marriage is viewed in Islam and tell her all the implication. He should suggest to her that she should study the main principles of Islam and its basic requirements to determine whether she wishes to be a Muslim. If she decides against this, he must not force her. He should terminate his marriage. They can agree on how they look after their children. But the children must be brought up as Muslims.
