A woman from Morocco recently wrote to me about her problems.
“I read your columns regularly though I do not always agree with you. Now I am confused and I do not have anyone else to ask for advice. I do not say my problem is unique as other children whose parents are of two different nationalities may have also faced it. Though I live with my mother in her country, I hold a passport from my father’s country. In fact, I believe it may have been political differences between my parents that led to their divorce. After the divorce, I remained with my mother in her country and in due course, I graduated with a university degree in economics. I am now working and in the course of my work, I have met several young men who wanted to marry me. When they discovered my nationality, however, they withdrew their proposal. I feel that I have become an alien in my mother’s country even though I love the country along with its customs and traditions. Should I look for a husband from my father’s country though I am a total stranger to its culture?”
She concluded by asking if I would recommend that she leave her mother’s country where she has lived her life and go to her father’s which she has little experience of. She does not want to repeat her parents’ experience of involving two nationalities in a marriage as she has seen the difficulties this can cause.
In my reply I told her that I could not respect a young man who fell in love with someone and then ran away at the first sign of inconvenience — especially if that inconvenience were that the woman was the national of a different country. I also told her that it would be better for her not to marry such a weak man. The lack of vision and determination on the man’s part would persist through and would never inspire her confidence.
“You should not give up the values you are convinced are correct. If you are pleased with the life in your mother’s country you should stick to it,” I said.
I continued: “You should not turn down a young man who offers his heart to you merely because of your fear that he will give you up when he learns about your nationality. There are hundreds of men who would not care what passport you hold. There are millions of husbands and wives who have different nationalities and even religions and they are leading happy married lives. There is no point in your being confused. My prayers and good wishes are with you.”
