It is universally agreed that among the many gifts to man by the Almighty, the greatest, by far, is the gift of a child. However, some couples are denied this unique blessing for various reasons and resort to other ways to fulfill their wish. One such alternative is adoption.
In many countries around the world, the adopting of children by childless couples has become a norm, and sometimes, families with children of their own also take in orphans and give them the love and security that only a family can afford.
However, adoption has traditionally been regarded suspiciously by our society for several reasons. The taboo regarding adoption has to do very closely with blood relations, biological ties and in general with how families are viewed in this part of the world. Strangely enough, even though Islam advocates the equality and care of orphans just as if they were your own, culturally, orphans are regarded as an unfortunate occurrence and often treated like a disability of some sort.
But for those couples who have managed to stand in the face of tradition, the option to adopt a baby is a blessing. It not only fills a void in their lives but also helps them to become a family. Finally, they can mix with their neighbors and friends without feeling like the odd ones out. And what’s more, children make for great topics of conversation. There is always something interesting happening to them which is in common with others their age and this commonality helps give their parents a feeling of belonging and blending in.
There are, however, other alternatives to adoption: You could leave it to chance or to the will of God, or you may continue in this pursuit by applying the latest scientific technologies, such as in-vitro fertilization. Some may go a step further and hire surrogate mothers, women who agree to carry your child for you and then hand it over after the delivery for a substantial sum of money. The ethics regarding this are questionable but when one is desperate, no price is too high. Moreover, there is the consolation that the child is biologically yours.
But as adoptive parents are aware, there are many pitfalls. Children are naturally curious and when it is revealed to them (or they get to find out) that they were adopted, their reactions can vary from passive acceptance to feelings of inferiority and rejection. As children tend to personalize everything, they may experience feelings of guilt at being the cause of their biological parents’ separation or that they weren’t worthy enough to be taken care of by them.
The age at which adoption takes place is also a factor for how well the child is able to cope with the truth. Often, children have waited around too long for a home and have been exposed to so many different personalities at the hospitals they’ve been placed, and even bonded with them, that feelings of rejection and inferiority could already have taken root by the time they’re ready to go to their new homes. They are prone to suffer bouts of increased anxiety resulting in withdrawal or temper tantrums, both demanding a lot of attention.
Things may be complicated further if the family already has children of their own. Sibling rivalry among biological children is quite natural. An adopted child would need to muster all his reserves of patience and forbearance to cope with the sometimes rather scathing attitudes of his foster brothers and sisters. Moreover, parents who may be careless about their words and actions to their biological children need to be more sensitive to the needs of their foster child. The golden rule is to be fair, take charge, and above all, be consistent.
Seeing the various risk factors, families looking for adoption are often required to undergo a battery of tests to assess their suitability. Financial security is also a top priority with foster homes to ensure an optimum environment for the child.
Adoption is a challenging, but it’s also a rewarding experience and a service to humanity and right in the sight of God. However, families considering it should weigh all options very carefully before making a decision.
