RIYADH, 15 September 2006 — We are all familiar with the idea that parents act as the moral compass that guides children to become outstanding citizens and lead virtuous lives. But what is less recognized is when this role is reversed, when children become the wind that powers the sails of self-improvement in their parents. Children who help their parents become better people, and better Muslims, were the focus of a recent story in Sayidaty, a sister publication of Arab News.
“I was practicing many nasty habits,” Abu Muhammad said. “I used to bring wine home and I never hesitated to drink it in front of my children. My son advised against drinking alcohol, but I ignored him and fought with him when he would go into the bathroom and flush my stash. This annoyed me. I kicked him out of the home. Then he went to Jeddah where he stayed for four years. When he returned it was apparent that he would never give on his efforts to make me give up drinking. Later I contracted tuberculosis. My friends had left me and I found no one to help except my son. Since then I decided to be a good man.”
Another person, a wealthy man who gave half of his fortune to the son who put him on the righteous path, said: “My friends introduced me to drugs. My son kept advising me and talking to me about the ill effects of drugs. I never listened to him, or either bothered about my family. Later, my son took me to the hospital for treatment. Though I spent a hard time in the hospital, I became healthier and more conscious.”
Umm Shahad said that she and her husband were living in a Western country, lured by the culture away from the virtuousness of Islam. It took her daughters’ adoption of the hijab to cure her of her cultural affliction.
“I have two pampered girls,” she said. “I raised them away from Islam and they knew nothing about prayer or the hijab. However they started going to a nearby mosque on their own, they listened to lectures about Islam. Suddenly they decided to adopt hijab. I stood against their will, telling them that hijab is unfashionable, but they were very patient and tolerant. Finally, I put on the hijab and I started going to the mosque to listen to lectures with them.”
Children do not only affect their natural parents, but also stepmothers and stepfathers.
Umm Samar said that she married a man who is 20 years her senior. “My husband had two children, Majed and Noufe,” she said. “I was rather jealous of Noufe because she was young and was very much loved and pampered by her father. I tried every possible way to drive her father to hate her. I even beat her, and though I treated her badly Noufe was very polite. When I delivered my babies she cared about them even more than I did. Further when I got sick she took care of me. When Noufe came to visit me in the hospital she nourished me back to health. Since then I decided to treat her even better than my own daughters.”
An old man talked about his horrible experience with one of his daughters. “I have three daughters, and they all got good education,” he said. “When my oldest daughter graduated from university she wanted to work as a teacher. I told her that if she wants to work she has to give me her salary. She readily agreed and did not even negotiate. Later, a young gentleman proposed for her and I refused because I was afraid I might lose the money. He was one of many I refused. Soon afterward my daughter got terribly sick. When I took her to the hospital the doctor said that she was terminally ill. Just then I realized how wicked I was. I decided not to take any of my other daughters’ salaries, and to find them well qualified husbands.”
Noura, a young girl, said that she helped her mother to recover from her follies. “My mother is not educated and does not know how to behave well,” she said. “She had created many problems because she leaves the house without telling my father, and this is what my father hates the most. Further, she usually goes to our neighbors and talk about our family issues. I had to put an end to these conflicts and problems, so I advised my mother to go to a school, there she could learn and spend her time in a more productive activity, rather than gossiping with neighbors. She started attending those courses, and what I like most about her now is that she prays for me.”
Parents are in fact responsible for raising their children and educating them. Hence parents must listen to their children and communicate to understand them.
Dr. Ibtisam Al-Dosary, a psychologist at the Al-Birr Charity, said: “We have to suppress our anger and to learn how not to be angry. This is what will keep us away from faults and compunction. We have to listen wisely to our children and to take their suggestions in consideration because they might be valuable. Even if our children failed, we have to teach them that this is not the end of the world. Furthermore, we have to set great models for our children to look up to.”
