JEDDAH: They are children without known lineages, often the outcome of illegitimate relationships. Their mothers abandoned them in streets or outside mosques at birth, as they could not bear the shame of giving birth outside wedlock. With no one to turn to, such children are taken to social care homes, where — deprived of the warmth and care of a father and mother — they are raised alongside orphans.
The number of children without traceable lineages has been on the rise in recent years. Although not guilty of any crime, they pay the price for others’ mistakes. The greatest difficulty such children face is perhaps in marrying; this is especially the case for women. Most men, particularly those who come from decent families, simply do not want to marry women without traceable lineages.
Men with mental illnesses or criminal records who struggle to find a match often agree to marry them, but they then end up having troubled married lives because their husbands do not respect them and remind them of their unknown parentage. “Ever since I came of an understanding age, I knew I was living in a shelter,” said Nura, 23. “I was told I was found inside a box in the street. I was raised inside a shelter to help me become dignified and confident. I even earned a university degree and I always dreamed of a good husband just like other girls,” she added.
A few years ago, a man asked for her hand in marriage, something that made her happy. Nura said she always yearned to have children and be given the opportunity to raise them differently to how she grew up. However, things took a turn for the worse.
“I discovered after marriage that my husband was mentally ill. Before marrying me, he proposed to several girls, but their families rejected him,” Nura said.
She said her husband used to beat her up and get mad at her for no reason. “I even miscarried. In fact, I didn’t want to bring a child into a life of suffering,” she said.
Nura secured a divorce but did not return to the shelter. She begged on the streets for a short while until she met a woman who was kind to her and asked her to marry her brother. “I thought my suffering was finally over. Instead, they treated me like a maid. My husband would make fun of me saying I was a nobody. He would constantly tell me that he wasn’t proud of me as a wife, as I was the outcome of an illegitimate relationship,” she said.
After a two-year marriage, Nura was divorced with a child. She attempted to return to the social home, but was refused as she had lived outside for such a long time. “I want the government to help us as we have no one to turn to. The government should provide us with homes and monthly stipends to help support ourselves,” she said.
Fatma, 21, said she was found outside a mosque. “My mother heartlessly decided to get rid of me and hide her shame. Yeah, we were treated well at the shelter but at the end of the day we are women with no family and lineage,” she said. “I am a confident woman and have a university degree. I’m also open-minded. I dream of a husband with whom I could share my life and have children,” she said.
Fatma wants a husband who understands her and respects her for who she is. “I don’t want a husband who will wrong me because of my background and because I don’t have a family,” she said.
She said she would rather marry someone who is of the same social class as hers. “My friends from the shelter who married men with families ended up getting divorced. It just doesn’t work.”
Fatma said people do not consider women like her to be fit as wives. “They curse us and believe that marrying us would bring them and their families shame. I had a friend whose husband would call her a ‘nobody’. She hated him for mentally torturing her and ran away. We still don’t know where she is,” she said, adding that the government should do more to help people like her.
Lulwa is another woman without a traceable lineage. “I was found in a junkyard. This is my destiny and this is how I will live the rest of my life,” said Lulwa, who lives in a shelter.
“I once remember a woman coming to the shelter searching for a bride for her son. She told the people in charge that she wanted an orphan and not one of us. I was shocked and asked myself what we had done. It’s not like we have any choice in the matter,” she said.
Abdullah Al-Jadaani, an official at the Fatwa and Endowment Center in Riyadh, said the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) did not preach against marrying women without traceable lineages, but encouraged people to marry women of good character.
“Most of these women are of excellent character. It is not their fault that they are in the situation they are in. Marrying such women is honorable, something that would earn great reward from God. These poor women would make excellent wives,” he said.
(Names of women interviewed for this story have been changed to protect their identities.)
