The other day I came across a newspaper advertisement for a well-known charitable organization. As usual, it encouraged people to contribute to those in need. As I looked carefully for more information, I saw that there was a list of people in need — poor families, widows, divorcees, families of prisoners, handicapped individuals and “hanging” women. My eyes, like yours, jumped at this expression; then, as I realized what was meant, shock and sadness overcame me.
What is meant by a “hanging woman” is that she is neither up nor down. She is neither married nor divorced. Legally, she is married but is not living with, nor supported by, her husband. The term is used to describe a woman whose husband refuses to divorce her. As strange as it may be, such cases are common in Saudi Arabia.
In fact, most Saudis know — or have heard of — a woman who has been “hanging” for years. Perhaps the most obvious indicator of how common such situations are is that “hanging” women are listed separately by charitable organizations as a group deserving and needing help. Many of the women have no job and no means of support. Being legally still married, they are even denied the hope that things might get better if they were able to marry again.
Why does it happen? Well, for a number of reasons but almost all of them boil down to a man’s taking revenge on a woman. A man may threaten to divorce a woman but if he knows that a woman wants a divorce, he may refuse and just decide to “hang” her. The phenomenon is so common that men speak openly about it, boasting and advising other men to “hang” a woman who will not obey.
“Hanging” a woman is about the worst thing a man can do to a woman in Saudi Arabia. Her life moves into a state of being on constant hold. Not only is she unable to remarry, she is unable to do anything that requires permission from her legal guardian — which is just about everything. In this case, of course, her legal guardian is her husband. So there she is — “hanging”!
Worse than separation or divorce, a “hanging” woman is at the mercy of a vindictive man. Normally a man who “hangs” a woman is planning to stand in the way of everything she wants to do. Many refuse permission for her to travel, to work, or even to study.
The most important question is: How can this state of affairs possibly be legal? How can a man be given the right to have such absolute control over a woman’s life? How can any human being be left at the mercy of a person seeking constant revenge? Many of these women have been refused divorces time and time again by judges who see “no reason” to grant a divorce. Years of their lives are wasted while their husbands watch, smirking at their futile grasps at freedom. The men of course, being entitled to four wives, usually remarry, have children and are virtually unaffected by the situation. If these men lack not only morals but common decency, what else besides the law can remedy the situation?
Instead of putting these women into a special category in charitable organizations, it would be more logical and right to solve the problem. Laws concerning women need to be changed. Our legal system is based on Shariah (Islamic law) and while some may think I am about to attack Shariah, I am not. If I object to anything, it is the way some laws are implemented and others are ignored.
First, I ask: Does a man have the right to keep a woman married to him even if she does not want to be? In Shariah, there is something called “khul’e” which allows a woman to divorce a man without his consent. I am sure there are conditions regulating the application of “khul’e”, but why do we almost never hear of their being used here?
Some Islamic countries — Egypt and Jordan for example — have implemented “khul’e” and so have given women greater control over their marital state. Some people say that judges hesitate to implement “khul’e” for fear women will abuse the law. Does Shariah tell us, I ask them, that it is right for men to abuse the law but wrong for women to do so? No, it does not. Shariah has made both laws and hence both should be implemented equally. If we assume that it is a man’s right to remain married to a woman, then it is also a woman’s right to be supported by the man she is married to. There is not the faintest shadow of a doubt about this in Islamic law.
Men who refuse to support their wives should be forced to divorce them. Why are men given the power to exercise their rights yet not forced to bear the responsibility that comes with those rights? The problem is not Islamic law. Like so many other things, the problem is not religion but rather the subjective interpretation and implementation of religion. At heart, most of us are good. We rarely hesitate to help those in need. And if anyone is in need of help, it is these “hanging” women. They are victims of injustice. They deserve charity, but I don’t mean the kind measured in riyals or dollars. They are in need of a deeper charity which comes from time, effort, persistence and change. The best and most beneficial charity for these women would be to help to change the laws — or the implementation of the laws — so that they would no longer be prisoners bound by invisible chains.
How many of us are willing to be that charitable?
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(Moodhy Al-Khalaf is a Saudi writer. She is based in Riyadh.)