Q. I converted to Islam a year ago, and I am planning to get married soon. If I follow the traditional marriage in my home country, my prospective wife will give me a dowry. Is this permissible?
K.P. Sammy, Dammam
A. If you are marrying a Muslim woman, you have to pay her a dower, or mehr, which is agreed between the two of you, or between your families. If you do not, then you are depriving your wife of what is rightfully due to her. If she refers her case to an Islamic court after marriage, the judge will order you to pay her a dower similar to what is paid to women in her social status. If your prospective wife is a Christian, you need to tell her that you are a Muslim and that in Islamic marriage she is entitled to receive a dower. When she has been fully aware of this, you can make your own arrangements. If you agree the amount of the dower and then she forgoes her entitlement to it, you may accept her generous offer. If she or her people give you a gift, financial or in kind, you may take it, but it must not be a condition of the marriage. What is important for you to do is to be clear with your wife at the beginning, informing her of her rights under Islamic law. When things are clear at the beginning, this prevents future tension or disagreement.