DUBAI, 24 May 2005 — Hala was sick of suitors who would bore her with their expectations of a good Muslim wife. So she decided to ditch her parents’ advice and matchmake for herself on the Internet.
A 28-year-old Iraqi living in London, Hala was past her marriage prime by Arab standards. But after only a few months of searching online she had found her husband. “Going online, I didn’t have to worry about embarrassing the family if things didn’t work out or endure a lecture from my parents about how stubborn or picky I was being,” says Hala, now happily married to Zeid, a British Iraqi, for more than two years.
“I no longer had to endure suitors whose only thing in common with me was nationality, religion and ‘good family’. Most of them wouldn’t accept a modern and independent career woman,” she says, beaming with delight by the side of her husband.
Hala and Zeid are among thousands of Arab and Muslim youth breaking with the tradition of arranged marriages to select their spouses through dozens of matchmaking Websites.
They provide a safe meeting ground for socializing otherwise difficult in many traditional societies, and large databases mean there is more chance of finding what you’re looking for.
According to Jupiter Research, the online matchmaking industry is set to grow nine percent worldwide to $516 million in 2005, after growing 19 percent last year.
Nabil, a Dubai-based IT professional who is cut off from family networks back in Syria and too busy to socialize, has turned to www.qiran.com to try to find his Ms Right. And it has been a lot more useful than his parents’ suggestions.
“At first I thought it was weird, but I gave in when I found I had more choice than I could ever have in my normal life,” said Nabil, who has been searching in cyberland for a year now.
Sami Gherfal, an administrator at Qiran, says it has had up to one million users register since it was launched last year.
“We’re pickier and more complex than our parents’ generation. We’re more traveled, linked to the world and affected by outside ideas,” he said. “So the search to find our partner is not easy and sometimes we need help.”
Gherfal said many users in the Arab Gulf are based in Saudi Arabia, where mixing of unmarried men and women is forbidden.
“Some conservative families don’t allow their daughters to meet strangers. But if you meet in cyberspace, technically you are not breaking any religious or cultural norms as you are not physically alone with that person,” he said.
Arab and Muslim online surfers still feel embarrassed about cyber-searches for a spouse. Many of those who had success were reluctant to say where they met their mate.
“I told my parents I met Zeid at a party and even that was unconventional for some of my ultra-conservative relatives. My mother had to tell them we met at a family function,” Hala said.
The Websites have been especially popular among Arab and Muslim expatriates in Western countries, where the social pool of suitors from similar backgrounds is fairly limited.
British-based management professional Kamran A. Beg launched a Muslim matrimonial firm in 2003 to meet rising demand.
Users undergo lengthy tests and interviews before attending an event for Muslim males and females with similar backgrounds. It has so far brought 65 marriages and 37 engagements.
“In Muslim communities abroad, males and females are finding it very difficult to meet the right partner.
There was a need to engineer a solution to allow right-minded Muslims find their suitable wife or husband,” Kamran said.
But in spite of all these services, as in traditional matchmaking, there is no guarantee of a happy ending and stories abound of deception and heartbreak.
“These sites open up new avenues but in the end it’s all ‘naseeb’ — fate,” Hala said.