I asked you with utmost honesty and clarity, and with confidence and good faith. I told you not worry about my reaction when you answered honestly and sincerely, even if you shocked me or hurt me — it is important to know so I could satisfy your perceptions and desires, and so I can also get what I want from you in return.
I asked you about the things that you wish to see in me, and the things that you found lacking. I asked you to define the path of my dealings with you, and all the things that would make you happy with me.
I asked if there are any actions that may distress you or bother you, so I may avoid them. I asked you so many questions but you only gave me one answer; you asked for more time to think about your needs and what you want me to do. I was amazed by your cool reaction, unexpected answer, and your self-confidence to the degree of vanity.
Deep down I had already imagined the answer, but my expectations were dashed. I wished you had said to me: Tell me you what are your desires, and what are you looking for. I wished you had told me that you’ve already seen and heard from me much that you already liked.
I wished your response made me feel that I am dedicated in my love for you, that makes me feel confident and powerful and not like
I failed and fallen short of your expectations. While I wanted you to feel your place in my heart, and how much you felt me too, I was distressed to see you being so selfish, thinking only of yourself. How do you want me to react and interact with you? Speak or stay silent?
Shall I share or be secretive? Talk to you with praise or sarcasm?
With duplicity or common curtsy?
Unconsciously, you insist on ignoring my personality and my conscious will. You made me feel that I do not know the art of dialogue, and I do not have the ability to touch on positions of strength and weakness.
You try to take away from me the right to discussion and dialogue my way and in my style. You want me to be a mirror image of you in your thinking, your principles and life style. Please understand me, I do not know how be artificial or fanciful in my words and my actions.
I am as I am in front of you, since God created me and until the last day of my life. I express myself openly, and that shows what’s inside and my words match my actions. I want to live with spontaneity, talk to you freely and open my mouth without fear of your silence or anger, and without having to measure my every word and phrase. I want to act without caution and fear of them being interpreted wrongly.
— Courtesy of Sayidaty magazine
I excuse you, so you must excuse me too. I forgive you, so appreciate my forgiveness. I gave you time, so you must also give me time.
I ignore your indifference with patience, so be patient with my emotionality. I’m trying to understand you to make you happy, and in return, you must try to make me happy. You are tired and I am exhausted, you are puzzled and I am I am flustered. You are tense and I am worried.
You need from me a lot. I need from you much more. You want someone to comfort you and to make demands or remind you or criticize you. Well, I want someone to comfort me too, but I also need you to ask me, to criticize me, to ask much of me, but with honesty, kindness and fairness.
I truly wonder, when will our thoughts, opinions and emotions meet in the middle? When will we reach the level where our hearts are united and we finally achieve happiness?
(Sayidaty magazine)
