Before I came to live in the UK, I was naive to the point I was not aware that the UK is a huge country with a population of more than 62 million. I had those sweet dreams of my children going to grammar schools wearing ties and learning manners so strict and extreme where children ask for permissions to cry “Mom I am so sad, can I cry for a bit?” Not only that, I was imagining that I would gain the authority to either let them cry or not. In addition, I underestimated the fact that we were going to live in a country with a totally different culture and where people are free to express their affection and love to each other in public and no one is allowed to even stare at them, and that’s far too much for us to handle! Ah bless me, how naïve was I.
It all started in the first few days of our arrival. My mother and I were sitting in a cafe and my two children aged 5 and 7 at the time were playing in the surrounding area. Suddenly they came to me running with funny expressions on their faces and cried out: “Mom! We saw something very wrong but we can’t tell you what!” Of course my curiosity was peaked and I asked: “Tell me what, I need to know.” But they insisted “nooo noooo we can’t its wrong! and you will be angry with us because we stared at them!” I sort of knew what they meant, but encouraged them to tell me, and in between their fits of giggles, they told that they saw a couple kissing in public and they were so surprised and expected me to be angry with them for looking. It was actually funny but it set out the scene for what’s coming next. I also to myself that I needed to find a strategy to deal with those issues.
After they started school, I told the management in advance that my children should not eat any pork products. One day I was picking them up after school when my youngest child told me in a very shameful tone: “mom I am so sorry, I did something awful and can’t tell you what.” I was puzzled and gave him all the guarantees that he can tell me and I won’t be mad. “I ate pig, so sorry.” He hung his head in shame and his tone was so innocent that I wanted to hug him and laugh. But I tried to be the inquiring sophisticated Ph.D. student / mother so I asked him: “how come honey? The school knows you should not be served pork.” “But Mom they put pig sausage in front of me and ordered me to it” he replied defensively. “And I just obeyed them.” I knew the story was a bit strange so I asked his brother what they were served at lunch and he confirmed to me that they had eaten sausages.
I was surprised because schools in the UK respect religious values and they offer options for people from different cultural backgrounds. When I asked, they told me they were served vegetarian sausage, so they did not in fact eat pork meat.
I myself was confronted with a very shameful incident with pork products, during my Master’s course at Lancaster University. It was Eid time and it was my first ever Eid spent away from my family and I was getting very emotional. Deciding to enjoy it within all available means, I went to the supermarket and I got goodie bags with all sorts of chocolates and gummy sweets. After Eid prayer, as people were starting to leave the mosque, we started distributing the goodie bags to children and I was trying my best to get my mind off the fact that everyone is now having Eid breakfast together and exchanging gifts back home. Suddenly I heard a child cry, and after a moment yet another child started to cry, and in no time all the children were wailing and the situation was catastrophic. I then saw the reason for all the tantrums: All mothers were snatching away the goodie bags from their children — because I had naively included gummy bear sweets made with pork gelatin. As if it was not enough that I was homesick and very sad for not being with family, I had also caused a tantrum in the mosque on Eid.
Shamefaced, I quickly took my stuff and left the mosque and had learned a new lesson. In the UK, the word “Gelatin” always refers to pork unless explicitly proven otherwise.
Never allowing me to forget that embarrassing incident, every time my children see those gummy bears, they refer to them as ‘piggy sweets’. How charming.
@ HatoonKadi
