Now, I have nothing against organizers of cultural shows and other theatrical productions but I have to make some nasty comments on the absurd seating arrangements that come along with these functions. While I am aware that every expat is naturally world famous and a celebrity in his home country and ultra-sensitive about his sense of importance, there has to be a limit to the nonsense that is perpetuated upon the unsuspecting members of the public who might actually be buying tickets to the event. Expats take where they sit at such events very seriously and many an evening is ruined because the seats were not good enough. Especially if someone you know has better seats.
Like if you have a ticket that says Row A then it is reasonable to assume that you will be seated in a pretty upfront area. I speak from experience based on a reasonable education that taught me A is the first letter of the alphabet and has a natural precedence. Like in A-one, A grade, A for Ace, that sort of thing.
So, there you are, having convinced wife that her husband is quite important, don’t you know, and let’s go and have a good time at this function. You fetch up at the auditorium, dressed to kill and produce your tickets marked A16 and A17 with a flourish and the usher says, back, back of the hall.
No, no, no, you say, these are A row, up in front.
The usher grins hugely, then waves his hands at you as if to say, not for you, they aren’t, chump!!
Much to your chagrin you discover that A row loses out to other rows. Lots of other rows. Dozens of other rows. Never has A been given such short shrift. A is bad scene, A is there in the lower stalls. There are the VVIP rows which are distinctive from the VIP section which has an edge on the sponsors seats and these are in front of the co-sponsors which lead into the “Reserved” seats after which there is Row AA and Row BB ad nauseum and something called Press and Media after which, hurrah, staggers in Row A.
Now, you are about ten rows from the end of the hall and your wife has gone all frosty (you made her dress for this) and next to you is this family of six and the children are making slurping sounds as they suck through straws and your wife says, wait till we get home.
And I am confident there are scores of people out there who can’t quite figure out why a play or a variety show needs chief guests and VIP guests to get it off the ground. All they do is fetch up late and give deadly boring speeches. And if we didn’t have them we wouldn’t have all these rows reserved for these so-called dignitaries, and common folks like you and me wouldn’t be in big trouble with our wives, which is a very important aspect as any married man will tell you.
Also, A would be restored to its historical glory.
And there would be so much less embarrassment. Take my friend the big tycoon with the big money who received a VIP card to a function and went and sat in the VVIP row.
Along came one of the organizers and said, excuse me, this is not your seat.
I have a VIP card, said my friend who drives around in a six cylinder job and is planning to buy his own plane.
Yes, but this is VVIP, which is higher than VIP, so you have to go two rows back.
Old Tyc, by now quite cheesed off (his wife was with him and she was making those swishing, hissing sounds wives make when they want to tell their husbands that things are not what they should be) said where are these VVIPs for whom I have to get up.
And the organizer, he straightens up and he says, they haven’t come but you are only a VIP so you still cannot sit here. This is a true incident related to me by the tycoon himself as he and his wife gathered their useless VIP dignity about them and sailed out of the event before the curtain came up.
