Q.1. Some relatives of mine have a daughter who is of a very bad character. She never listens to advice and she intends to marry a bad person, even though her parents do not approve of him. She has made her parents’ life miserable, so much so that they told her to leave the house but she laughs and says she is not ready. She wants to continue to cause them misery for a few more years. She says so to their faces. Is their an Islamic way to handle this girl?
Q. 2. A person who borrowed money from relatives swears by God that he will be repaying it, but it is now 21 years and he has not paid it back. How can this debt be forgiven since it was sworn to in God’s name?
(Name and address withheld)
A.1. If that girl is as bad as you make her to be, then the Islamic way to handle her is to turn her out of the house and never admit her in again. If all her intention is to live on her parents with the determination to make their lives miserable, then she has no claim to make against them. It is their weakness that allows her to treat them in this way. Therefore, they should either file a complaint against her, or obtain an order of eviction, or simply throw her out, giving her no key to the house.
The best course to follow may differ according to the society in which they live. But there is no Islamic obligation on the parents to keep her since she is treating them in that way. If people suggest to them that they would be helping her to lose her moral values, she seems to have lost them already. No one has the right to deliberately make another person miserable, let alone their own parents.
A. 2. The borrower either has the money to repay his debt or does not. If he has and he has not paid after 21 years, then he is unjust. The Prophet says: “Delaying the repayment of debt by a rich person is an injustice.” “Rich” in this Hadith means a person who has the money to repay the debt, even if this leaves him with what is sufficient only for his basic needs. If he does not have the money, and he genuinely swears to repay it, this means that he is insolvent. In this case the Qur’anic verse applies: “If the debtor is in straitened circumstances, grant him a delay until a time of ease. And if you waive (the debt entirely) as a gift of charity, it will be better for you, if you but knew it.” (2: 280)
This verse gives a clear guidance for a debtor whose circumstances are so hard that he cannot pay. There is either a wait until he is in a better situation, even though this may take long, or the better option, which is to waive the debt entirely. That counts as a generous act of charity which earns a great reward from God far in excess of the value of the debt.
Having said that, I would add that if the debtor is able to repay and he does not do so after all this time, then the creditor should not waive the debt. He should write it off in the sense that he accepts that he would not get it back, and pray to God to compensate him for it.
Are women inferior?
Q.1. My friend suggests that women are inferior to men even in the hereafter. He says that in heaven they will not be on equal terms as they will not have male partners similar to the hoor mentioned in the Qur’an for men. Please comment.
Q. 2. My parents wish me to accept a proposal of marriage although I do not like the man concerned. I have done the istikharah but I do not feel it is right for me to marry him. Should I do it to comply with my parents’ wishes?
R.S., Riyadh
A.1. What determines equality is the tasks assigned to men and women and the reward they are given for them, or the punishment they incur for failing to attend to them. When we read the Qur’an and the Hadith, we realize that men and women are assigned the same duties and given the same reward. All verses in the Qur’an that address “believers” are equally applicable to men and women. In fact, there are two types of address in the Qur’an: one to men and women equally and the other to women only. Thus, they are given a special status, not an inferior one.
The person who made the claim that women are inferior in heaven does not know what he/she is speaking about. How has this person come to the conclusion that the hoor in heaven are women companions given to men? For what purpose? The fact is that these hoor, normally translated as wide-eyed maidens, are placed in the service of the dwellers in heaven. There is no indication in the Qur’an that they are to be companions only for men. Moreover, the descriptions of heaven and hell in the Qur’an and Hadith are given in what is familiar to us so that we may understand them. But the real favors and blessings God provides for those whom He admits to heaven are far greater and richer than these descriptions.
The Prophet says about heaven: “It contains what no eye has ever seen, no ear has ever heard of and no mind has ever imagined.” Furthermore, if the result of being admitted to heaven is perfect happiness, and if such perfection of happiness is attained by men and women in different ways, how does that signify superiority of one and inferiority of the other?
A. 2. Your parents should consider two things very carefully before accepting a proposal for you, or encouraging you to accept it. The first is the strength of the man’s faith and his honesty, integrity, moral values, manners, habits and other personal traits. If these are of acceptable standard, they should consider your feelings. If you are not convinced that the man is suitable then they should not ask you to marry him. When marriage is forced on a woman, she is likely to suffer. Since you have done the istikharah then you should proceed with it.
If you find that the marriage is moving ahead with ease, then you should consider that God has answered your prayer and facilitated the marriage for you. If you find difficulties, then do not go ahead with it, even though your parents may feel disappointed. To overcome the problem, ask your parents to do the istikharah also, and to stick to the result.