I was visiting a friend when her six-year old son came in crying and complaining. A playmate had hit him. Instead of saying a few loving words and wiping his tears, his mother exploded. With a sneer, she said, “How many times have I told you to hit back with a greater force? Then he will be afraid of you, that shameless, monkey-faced brat. But no, you have to get beaten like a little girl.”
I tried to suggest to my friend that it was not right to teach a child to hit back and to equate him with a girl in order to imply a negative trait. I chose to ignore the fact that she indulged in name-calling which her son will surely pick up from her. She looked at me as if I were from Mars. “Children have to learn to be tough in today’s world. My son has to learn to fight back and defend himself. Why don’t you lecture the neighbor and her son? My poor son is the victim.”
I have also heard mothers tell their children not to share their school notes with their friends. “Don’t be stupid and go around sharing your notes with everyone, otherwise they will get higher marks than you.”
Most children today are not taught to say “thank you” and “please”. They are not taught to dispose of garbage in the proper containers. They are not even told to clean their plates and be grateful for the food they get everyday. They are also not instructed to eat without a fuss.
“Oh, my son is such a picky eater. He does not eat any vegetables. He won’t eat anything unless he gets a burger and fries.” I have often heard mothers make this complaint, almost with pride! Children should be taught to be flexible; after all they live in a multicultural world. Some one I know had to move his family back to Pakistan. He said his biggest problem was that his son demanded burgers and broasted chicken which were very expensive in Pakistan.
Our parents who taught us simple, useful and common sense things like kindness, selflessness and helpfulness seem so outdated today. My favorite anecdote comes from something my grandfather was taught by his semi-literate mother, among other things to be hard-working and completely honest.
One day when my grandfather was only 12, an opportunity came to him to practice what he had been taught. He went to buy a ream of paper from a small shop, three miles away from his village home. His parents were poor so he had to walk the distance. On returning home he found that instead of one ream, he had two. The shopkeeper had obviously made an error. Abdus Samad was horrified because he had paid for only one ream. He immediately retraced his steps and walked the three miles all over again. The shopkeeper was surprised and told him, “Abdus Samad, one day you will be a great man.”
The shopkeeper’s words were true. My grandfather left his village and became a director of public institutions. He received many awards. He was always famous for his honesty and hard work and he never failed to attribute his success to what his mother had taught him in childhood. Abdus Samad’s mother, a villager who never set foot in the modern world, taught him well. What are we, who have access to so much scientific and psychological knowledge, teaching our children?