THIS is a strange story of Umm Abdullah, a rich woman who has spent a large sum of money to get a wife for her 23 year-old-son, Abdullah. He suffers from total paralysis; both his speech and his intelligence are impaired. The other character in the story is a beautiful teen-age girl, only 18, the daughter of a poor foreigner who works as an office messenger. The girl, however, learned in just three months of married life that what she is missing is more valuable than all the world’s wealth.
Umm Abdullah, after realizing the truth that no woman would accept a man in a wheelchair as her husband, decided to attract a bride with money and material possessions. She found Nadia, the eldest daughter of a large poor family. The girl allowed herself to be convinced and decided to forget her dreams of a romantic conjugal life in exchange for a comfortable life for herself, her parents and brothers. She agreed to marry the man for a dowry of half a million riyals. After three months of married life, she ran away from her husband and is now seeking a divorce. Umm Abdullah believes she has been cheated of a huge sum of money while the girl believes that she was the victim of her own ambitions and her family’s poverty.
Sayidaty, a sister publication of Arab News, investigated this bizarre story of human helplessness and ambition. Nadia learned in three months that happiness is more than jewels and a large bank account. She is beautiful, with an innocent face. She explained why she wanted a divorce.
“Some may think that I was taking advantage of his helplessness. I swear that I did not marry him with the idea of divorcing and exploiting them. On the other hand, I confess that I sacrificed myself, hoping to improve my family’s life. My father is an office messenger with a low salary. I have six brothers. Like any girl, I love life and want to marry the man of my dreams. However, I decided to forget my dreams in exchange for a decent life.
“My parents did not at first approve of my marrying a handicapped man. But when the company notified my father that his employment contract would be terminated within months, I did not hesitate. I agreed to the marriage. When I told my mother, she was very angry. I was firm in my decision and explained to her the changes my marriage would make to our lives. She cried for some time and then finally agreed. My father also agreed though it took some persuasion. Once he agreed, I immediately telephoned Umm Abdullah, asking her to meet me.”
Nadia admitted that she had willingly married him. In those circumstances, how can she justify her demand for a divorce, especially since she achieved her material aims? “I never intended to cheat him. When I met him the first time, I began to tremble with fear. I also felt pity for him. After the marriage, particularly in the first month, I grew used to him and tried to deceive myself that I was happy with an invalid husband. During the second month, however, I began to feel that I had made a great mistake. By that time, my poor husband had began to love me and depend on me as he once did his mother. I began to hate myself for my stupidity. A divorce is not unlawful or impossible. Even healthy people marry and divorce.
“I regretted my decision to marry him which has now put both of us into a very unfortunate situation. I find it impossible to live with him. If I continue living with him, I will start hating him as well. His illness is not his choice. I am a normal human being with normal feelings and emotions and I cannot be a mere nurse and maid to him. I want to live as a wife. It is my right. If I continue this game of pretending, I will go mad. My husband cannot differentiate between a wife and a doll.”
Regarding her future plans, Nadia said: “I sought the help of the court after my in-laws refused me a divorce. If the court demands me to return the gold, jewels and other items of the dowry, I will. I will not be able to return all the money as most of it has been spent. Anyhow my returning to him is impossible even for SR1 million. I will not be able to live with him. Any attempt to reunite us will destroy both of us. I don’t want to make life more painful to him. If he is the victim of his health, I am a victim of my poverty.”
Umm Abdullah, Nadia’s mother-in-law, said she tried every type of treatment and medicine to cure her son. Now she is old and is afraid that she may not be able to help him as she has always done. So she wanted a wife for him. Her relatives discouraged her from looking for a wife, saying only a cheat or swindler would marry a totally disabled man.
“I love my son so much that I would spend every penny I have to see him happy. It was virtually impossible to find him a wife. Finally, I was introduced to Nadia’s mother who at first refused to allow Nadia to marry Abdullah even though I offered them enough money for them all to have a comfortable life. After some time, however, Nadia herself called me and said she was willing to marry Abdullah. She asked me to bring him to her house to introduce him to her parents. I wanted to complete all the formalities before Nadia changed her mind. Abdullah also liked her.
“Her parents asked for SR300,000 as a dowry, for gold and jewels worth SR150,000 and for other gifts and things to guarantee Nadia’s happy life. Though I knew that they only wanted my money, I complied with most of their demands, hoping that eventually she would begin to love my son. Everything was all right in the first month but in the second, Nadia appeared to grow sad. She began to visit her parents more and more frequently. Finally, she confessed to me that she had made a mistake in marrying Abdullah. I asked why she said this as everything had been explained before the marriage and that nothing had been concealed from her.”
After three months Nadia went back to her parents and did not return to live with Abdullah. Her parents then asked for a divorce for her.
According to Sheikh Abdullah Al-Suwailem, a noted scholar, imam and khatib of the Prince Khaled ibn Saud Mosque, if a woman marries a disabled man and she is fully aware of his disabilities and she believes that she can adjust to life with him, she has no right to a divorce. If she feels she must divorce, she must return the dowry paid to her family.