NEW DELHI, 15 July  — There is so much misunderstanding about the content and context of a summit meeting that, in yet another effort to be of service to the nation, or nations, The Asian Age offers a glossary of useful terms, in non-alphabetical order.

Summit: A narrow space at the top of a mountain, capable of seating two and luring more causing thereby a traffic jam. Mountaineers sometimes confuse, in their eagerness to reach the top, first or second camp, where simultaneous parleys are often scheduled, for the summit. However, some summits require their own, carefully crafted route maps, particularly if Hillary and Tenzing are determined to go up without much oxygen.

Agra: A city from antiquity made famous by the Mogul emperors who built a splendid fort when they ruled their empire from Agra, and a splendid mausoleum when they shifted to Delhi. The Mogul empire (like the British after it) began to decline from the moment it shifted its capital to Delhi, although it is not clear whether this fact has any relevance to summits. Historically, Agra has been synonymous with opportunity, rather than missed opportunity.

Kashmir: Technically, smaller than its problem. Full name, as in passports, Jammu and Kashmir. Cold in winter, hot in summer, rainy in monsoon and beautiful all the time. Contains a valley, 84 miles long and roughly 20 miles wide, that costs India and Pakistan approximately 100,000 crores rupees a year to fight over. When Jahangir was asked about his one desire on his deathbed, he said, “Kashmir, the rest is worthless”, which seems to be the guiding principle of India and Pakistan as well. A couplet that has become more famous than the poet who wrote it, Urfi, goes: “Agar firdous bar rui-e-zameen ast, Hamin ast-o-hamin ast-o-hamin ast.” In other words, if there is Paradise on earth, it is here, it is here, it is here.

Plebiscite: Quaint old Indo-Anglian word currently out of fashion. Of Latin origin and, in the view of many pundits as dead as that language. Even the United Nations, not known for its radical views on philology, has pronounced the word officially dead. Some diehards however cling on to it for its alleged magical powers, as a mantra for peace, prosperity and tourism in a land of milk and honey.

Agenda: A list of items that has the extraordinary ability to look different when viewed from different angles. For instance, one side may find the agenda broad, while the other, looking at the same piece of paper, could find it too narrow. Has certain deceptive qualities that give it an elusive feel.

Hurriyat: A motley group of characters in search of a role. When denied a place on the Agenda, will settle for some tea instead. Not necessarily unanimously. The individuals who form this group are known for disagreeing with each other almost as much as they disagree with both friend and foe. To push a pun, their nominal leader, Lone, sometimes plays a Lone hand. Their fame is variable, depending on which one of them has found a television camera for the day. For instance, one of them, Geelani, became famous for 15 minutes when Home Minister L.K. Advani denied him a passport to visit Pakistan. The said Geelani would not have become famous at all if Advani had given him a passport, along with a ticket, and told him to go to Pakistan and stay there.

Farooq Abdullah: A handsome if aging politician who divides his time between golf, travel, sulking, singing (bhajan in ghazal andaaz) and television appearances. He has even been seen in Srinagar, capital of Jammu and Kashmir (see above). Summoned by India’s prime minister from a holiday in Europe to create positive mood for Summit (see further above).

Sheikh Abdullah: Who he?

Talks: A technical event between two parties preceded by hot air and cold fear, both heavily disguised in bluster and bravado. Third parties, particularly if they are Superpowers, are allowed to hover over talks but they must remain unseen and unheard by an independent power known generally as The Media Empire.

Superpowers who eat up little nations for breakfast and demand larger ones for dinner are apprehensive of The Media Empire and worry that media has the capacity to drench any Summit with oil, turning it slippery and making it impossible for talkers to talk in any degree of comfort.

Composite Talks: Cultural variation of same theme, linked to food habits. Composite talks are like a thali; there has to be a little bit of everything around a serving of the main item, rice. Non-composite talks are those that take the main item, rice, spread it all across the plate, offer nothing to shift the taste of the meal. One person’s Talks is another person’s Composite Talks.

Retreat: A place in which the principal summiteers (viz presidents and prime ministers) can retreat from their own officials. Example: If Vajpayee and Musharraf feel the need to get away from the heat generated by their colleagues they may lock up their contingents and “retreat” to pleasanter surroundings.

Media: An empire outside the control of conventional forces. The nastier observers often compare The Media Empire with certain Colombian sirens, who entice motorists to stop their cars and then disappear with wallets and cars. Editors, the princes of The Media Empire, respond by noting that if talkers are going to be so stupid as to fall for Colombian sirens then they deserve to have their wallets and cars pinched. Owners, the kings of The Media Empire, smile and return to their soft-spoken, hard-edged telephone conversations with the talkers.

Sabre: Something that is rattled very noisily before “Talks” (Singular or Composite) with the help of The Media Empire. Since the advent of television, decibel levels have jumped up sharply.

Pipeline: A line drawn between war and peace by that infallible commodity, money; lots and lots of it, in currencies ranging from the riyal to the dollar via the dinar. In the case of India and Pakistan filled with gas.

Sherwani: A long, loose coat with a huge tail, of Indian origin, worn to establish that a general is not necessarily uniform. Effective for first impressions and formal dinners but unsuited for Indian weather — unless it rains.

Joke: A very rare occurrence these days, and not necessarily designed to evoke laughter. Laughter is a byproduct rather than the main purpose. A few of the species have been spied, particularly among those disenchanted with the Summit. Example: “Give Kashmir to Pakistan. It will fall apart. The only thing that keeps Pakistan united will disappear.” Variation: Black humor, the preferred option of Indians and Pakistanis when discussing problems.

Menu: A variety of normal cooked dishes with exotic names served by five-star hotels during official meals for visiting VIPs, described in great detail in news reports by all those who have not eaten it.

National Democratic Alliance (aka NDA): A ruling group devoted to getting it both ways, having its cake and eating it too, trimming the hedge and generally exhausting all clichés in the English language in its efforts to retain power. If Summit succeeds it will ride the positive wave that trails the prime minister; if Summit falters, it will revive the nay-sayers who have been told to put their suspicions on hold for seventy two hours.

Congress party of India: Bystander, standing by.

Bharatiya Janata Party: A political formation that believed, 11 years ago, that it could change Hindu India decisively with a campaign for a Ram temple. In 2001 it has discovered that it has been changed by Hindu India. The party that stormed into the Nineties on three issues — building a Ram temple at the site of the Babri Mosque in Ayodhya; ending Article 370 for Jammu and Kashmir; and abolition of the Muslim Personal Law — has stopped short of temple construction, is seeking a solution with Pakistan on Kashmir and has developed amnesia on personal law.

Peace: Something everyone wants but no one can quite find.

War: Something no one wants but everyone finds.

Hope: A word with a single virtue; it is better than hopeless. Typical question before any summit: “Do you have any hope?” Preferred answer: “What is the point of being hopeless?”