Hospitality is a commendable social trait in all societies. However, hospitality differs from one place to another. In urban and industrial societies, hospitality differs a great deal from rural areas. City people rarely come to stay for more than a few hours. If they have to visit friends in another city, they stay in a hotel, unless their relationship with their hosts is so close. Even then, they would prefer not to put their hosts to too much trouble.
This is a far cry from the Arabian society at the time of the Prophet. Even before the beginning of Islamic revelations, the Arabs considered hospitality to be an essential virtue. One of the worst things that could be said about anyone is that his house does not make his guest feel welcome. Being kind to one’s guests was a virtue taught to children by their parents and community. Moreover, the community would come to the help of any member who has received guests but finds himself in difficult circumstances.
In communities where travel is not very easy, with rough roads and poor means of transport, people frequently receive guests. A guest may stay several days and the host may be troubled by a long-staying visitor. At the time of the Prophet and for centuries after him a person arriving in a city like Madinah expected to be accommodated by its residents, even if he did not know anyone there. But how long can one stay with his hosts, relying on their hospitality?
The common practice that survived for long before Islam was that for the first three days a host would not ask his guest about the reason of his journey or how he could help him attend to his business. When three days had passed he would put such a question to him and see about giving his guest the assistance he needed. Islam encouraged hospitality to guests, and the Prophet spoke frequently about hospitality as an Islamic virtue. Moreover, he defined the length of a guest’s stay when hospitality should be extended. Abu Shareeh Al-Khuza’ie reports that he heard with his own ears and saw with his eyes the Prophet when he said: “Whoever believes in God and the Last Day should be kind to his neighbor; and whoever believes in God and the Last Day should be generous with his gift to his guest. Someone asked the Prophet what gift was that. He said: A gift sufficient for one day and one night. Hospitality lasts for three days. If it goes longer than that, then it is a charity to the guest. Whoever believes in God and the Last Day should either say something good or remain silent.” (Related in all six main collections).
This highly authentic Hadith outlines three main areas of social relations. The first is kindness to neighbors. Islam stresses the importance of such kind treatment in a number of Hadiths. The subject was treated fully in this column in the past.
The second area is that of hospitality to one’s guests. It makes such hospitality an essential trait intertwined with belief in God and the Day of Judgment. Relating it to faith in this way indicates that such hospitality will be rewarded by God. But the Prophet begins by speaking about a gift given by the host to his guest when he is at the point of departure to continue his journey or to return home. This is something that modern societies have forgotten about, but here the Prophet mentions it clearly and his audience ask him for a clarification of this gift. He says that it should be sufficient for a day and a night. We understand that he means that the host should give the departing guest some food and drink to meet his needs for 24 hours, so that he may continue his travel without worry about being hungry and thirsty. Any traveler, even in the desert, should be able to find a place to get what he needs within a day of starting his travel. Thus, the gift would ensure his well being until his next stop.
The Prophet then states the duration of hospitality extended to one’s guest. It is for three days, during which the guest would have relaxed and rested sufficiently to continue his journey or attend to his business. But if the guest stays longer and the host continues to be hospitable, this becomes a charity.
Putting the matter in this way, the Prophet gives a clear hint to guests that they must not make themselves a burden to their hosts. People would not like to be given charity if they have the means to look after themselves. Hence, by saying that after three days what the guest receives is a charity, the indication is that he should not stay longer than three days.
In fact the Prophet repeats this in several Hadiths, which indicates that he emphasized it to different audience on different occasions. A Hadith reported by Abu Hurayrah is limited to the duration of hospitality, but uses the same wording: “Hospitality is for three days. If it goes beyond that, then it is a charity.” (Related by by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad, Ahmad and Ibn Hibban).
A different version of the earlier Hadith related also by Al-Bukhari adds an important point, making the guest’s responsibility clear. In this version, also narrated by Abu Shareeh, the Prophet is quoted as saying: “Whoever believes in God and the Last Day should be kind to his neighbor; and whoever believes in God and the Last Day should be generous with his gift to his guest. Someone asked the Prophet what gift was that. He said: ‘A gift sufficient for one day and one night. Hospitality lasts for three days. If it goes longer than that, then it is a charity. It is not permissible for the guest to stay on until he embarrasses him (i.e. his host)’.”
When a guest stays long with his hosts he may be causing them trouble. They may have to take on extra duties in order to accommodate him and look after him. Or they may not find it easy to go to the extra expense to meet the need of looking after a guest. All this may mean that the host may feel that his guest has become a burden and that would be embarrassing to him in one way or another. Or it may cause him to talk about his guest in an unpleasant way, which may become backbiting. A host may, for example, need to tell his wife to prepare new things for a guest that has overstayed his welcome. She might ask him whether the guest has indicated how long he intends to stay. This may trigger an expression of feeling troubled, which may be a criticism of the guest. Thus, the whole thing becomes a sour point. Hence, the Prophet has made it clear that a guest should not stay on for long so that he does not embarrass his host.