Prophet Muhammad was the kindest of all people in his treatment of others. Even those who opposed his message and resisted his call were the recipients of his kindness. He was most pleased when a former opponent of his message discovered its truth and declared his belief in Islam. That ensured him not only full forgiveness by God, but also a kindly treatment that aimed to integrate him fully in the ranks of the Muslim community.
Kindly treatment was the trait the Prophet always showed when he dealt with people, even though they did not deserve his kindness. Yet at times the Prophet’s attitude to some people could not be readily explained. Hence, he was asked by those who were close to him and he always provided a reason that was paramount in his mind to explain his attitude to such people.
Aishah reports: "A man sought permission to see the Prophet, and when the Prophet heard his name, he said, ‘This is a bad person’. But when the man was admitted, the Prophet welcomed him well and talked to him in a friendly way. When he left, another man sought permission to see him, and on hearing his name the Prophet said, ‘This is a good person’. Yet when he was admitted, the Prophet was not as friendly with him as he was with the first man, nor did he welcome him as well. When he left, I said, ‘Messenger of God, you said what you said about the first man but welcomed him well, and said something different about the other but did not do the same!’ He said, ‘Aishah, a person who is warded off for his ill manners ranks among the worst of people’." (Related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
The first thing we need to explain about this Hadith is the Prophet’s remarks in the two cases when people sought to see him. In neither case did the Prophet’s remark constitute backbiting. He was making a simple statement about the status of the person concerned to alert those present to his situation.
He did not go into any details of what he knew about him, because giving such details may involve backbiting. He simply gave a statement, like that of a witness. It was merely to warn those who were present that the character of the first man was suspect, while the other person was a good man. Needless to say, giving an unsolicited opinion praising a certain person is always acceptable.
The next question to be asked is whether the Prophet’s welcome to each person was in line with his character. We note that the Prophet was more friendly with the person he had just described as bad. His explanation was that people may be given a friendly treatment only to guard against the development of an unsavory situation that may arise by treating them as they deserve.
In other words, the Prophet wanted to win over that man by the kindness he had shown him and the warmth of his reception. He might in this way reduce the effects of his ill manners, or keep his relationship with him on a friendly basis. Needless to say, this was a great kindness by the Prophet because if that man was given a less warm welcome and, as a result, he expressed displeasure with the Prophet, that would have led to an even worse situation. He would then make the Prophet displeased, and that could incur him God’s displeasure. By being friendly to him, the Prophet has sought to reduce his bad side, give him no reason to adopt any negative position toward the Prophet and provide him with a motive to mend his ways.
On the other hand, the Prophet might have had a reason for being less friendly with the other man whom he described as a good person. It may be that the Prophet was aware of a certain trait in his character which might have led to a misinterpretation of a very friendly attitude by the Prophet. This might have led him to think too highly of his own importance, which, in turn, might allow arrogance to creep into his character. Besides, the Prophet was friendly with all his companions. Probably Aishah would not have noticed anything wrong with his attitude to him except for the contrast with his attitude to the first person whom he had described as a bad person.
This whole incident raises a question about speaking about other people in their absence. We talked about backbiting in detail in a number of articles in this column. But the question here is not concerned with backbiting, but with a mere statement of facts. The criterion for acceptability depends on whether the person spoken of would dislike such talk or not. If he or she would reasonably feel that what is being said about them in their absence is to their discredit, then that is backbiting. If it is a description which is commonly known by the people who come in contact with that person, then it is a mere report. It has nothing to do with backbiting.
Aishah reports that Sawdah, a wife of the Prophet, sought and obtained the Prophet’s permission to move on early on the night to be spent in Muzdalifah. In this report Aishah says of Sawdah, "She was a fat, slow-moving woman". (Related by Al-Bukhari, Muslim and Ibn Majah)
Here Aishah is describing Sawdah, another wife of the Prophet and the first woman he married after the death of Khadeejah, his wife for more than 25 years. She simply remarked on her being fat and on her slow walking. But she did not mean that in any derogatory sense, because the description relates to the situation they were in. This was during the pilgrimage when all pilgrims, having spent the day at Arafat, move on after sunset to Muzdalifah where they are required to spend the night till just before sunrise and then move on to Mina. It is a tiresome journey and a fat person who finds walking or moving difficult is bound to be doubly tired.
The Prophet had given permission to those who were ill and weak, and to women generally, to spend only a short time at Muzdalifah and move on to Mina after midnight, rather than stay till they have prayed fajr, or dawn prayer. This makes things easier for them, particularly because in Arabia’s very hot weather, it is always easier to walk at night. Moreover, those who proceed early have more time to make the journey and more time to rest after it. Hence, a fat, slow-moving person would be well-advised to move early. The Prophet’s wife, Sawdah, realized all this when she sought her permission to move on. It is perhaps useful to mention here an addition that some Hadith scholars have related, quoting Aishah as saying: "I wish I sought a similar permission from the Prophet. I would have then prayed fajr at Mina and done my stoning at the Jamrah before the bulk of people had arrived."