Q. After six years of marriage during which a woman gave her husband two children, she discovered that he has also been married for the last four years to a Hindu woman who continued to follow the Hindu faith. In fact the marriage took place in a Hindu temple, before the statues of the Hindu idols. After much discussion and controversy between the two families of the Muslim wife and her husband, it is clear that the man intends to continue with his Hindu woman and his family is not pressurizing him sufficiently to change his mind. Hence our question whether his Muslim wife can continue to be married to him, or must she seek divorce? If the latter, can she have custody of their son? Would the son be entitled in future to inherit from his father, or is the father considered an apostate in view of his marriage before the Hindu idols? Incidentally he continues to say that he is Muslim, but he does not attend to his prayers. What is his parents’ responsibility in this situation?
N. Ahmad, Riyadh
A. The important thing to establish at first is whether the man is truly a Muslim or not. If he accepted that his so-called marriage to the Hindu woman to be conducted in a Hindu temple only to please her and her parents, without entertaining any thought of believing in Hinduism, and he honestly believes himself to be a Muslim, then his action, though forbidden, does not constitute apostasy. What is important to establish is where exactly he stands on the point of religious beliefs. If he confirms that he is a Muslim, then he should accept Islamic rules on marriage. He cannot decide that his actions are acceptable, valid or correct without referring to Islamic law and teachings.
Hence, his wife and her family should get him to realize that his “marriage” to the Hindu woman is invalid and has no way of being accepted as a proper marriage from the Islamic point of view. The only way for his relationship with that Hindu woman to become legitimate is that she should accept Islam. If she does not, then their relationship is adulterous and constitutes no legitimate basis.
As for the validity of his marriage to his Muslim wife, this is not affected by any of these considerations. She remains his wife and she does not need to take any action to alter this status as long as the man continues to consider himself a Muslim. Nevertheless, pressure must continue to be exerted so that he abides by Islamic rules concerning his family life.
Whether she should seek divorce or not is a very complicated matter, and she and her family are the ones to decide. She does not have to, from the religious point of view. It is a question of whether she can tolerate the situation she finds herself in. As for her children, they are entitled to inherit from their father, even if she is divorced.
His parents’ responsibility is to try as hard as they can to make their son lead his life in accordance with Islamic rules and teachings. Of course they cannot force him to do anything he does not want to do, because he is an adult who is responsible for his own actions. However, since he works in his father’s business, his father has an important lever which he could, and should use to bring him round. The father may threaten to kick him out of the business, or he may stop his wages, or take whatever measure may be sufficient to drive it home to him that he cannot contravene Islamic rulings and remain in an adulterous relationship with this Hindu woman.
From a practical point of view, I think the woman’s family should enlist the help of a respected scholar who should talk to the man and his parents and explain the gravity of the matter. This may lead, God willing, to the right result for his wife, children and all concerned.
People with long hair
Q. Could you please explain the Islamic view on wearing one’s hair long. I understand that growing a beard is mentioned in Hadith, but could you explain what its length should be.
Asimov
A. Islam has given us freedom of choice with regard to how we appear, provided that the rules and values it establishes for the Muslim community are observed. It also gives recommendations on certain aspects of appearance, because it wants its followers to observe norms of sound human nature. Thus, Islam dislikes leaving one’s nails to grow very long, because it is unhygienic and unpleasant to look at.
With regard to hair, the length of one’s hair should be what is normally acceptable in one’s community. People may differ on this from one generation to another and from one part of the world to another. Islam encourages its followers not to defy the acceptable norms in such matters, because these do not involve any aspect of faith. Moreover, the Prophet says: “Whoever has hair should take care of it.” This means that we should comb our hair and wash it from time to time, trim it as may be required for a good appearance, etc. As for wearing a beard, this is a Sunnah, but it should be neither too short so as a person looks like a person who has neglected to shave for a day or too, nor too long so as to give an unwelcoming appearance. People who claim that the Prophet’s injunctions mean that one should not trim one’s beard do not have sufficient evidence to support their view.
As for women, they are required to cover their hair when they go out. They may wear their hair long or short, but they may not have a hair style that is akin to that of men, because Islam does not allow members of either sex to have an appearance of the opposite sex.
Marriage with a Christian man
Q. Could you please explain whether it is permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a Christian man if he is ready to convert to Islam?
Y. Fazil
A. If the man is willing to become a Muslim, having acquired sufficient knowledge about Islam to convince him that it is the right religion, and he actually believes in God’s oneness and Muhammad’s (pbuh) message, then the marriage is perfectly appropriate.
On the other hand, if the man simply makes the declaration that he is a Muslim, pronouncing the shahadah, stating that he bears witness to God’s oneness and that Muhammad is God’s messenger, without true conviction, then he does not take religion seriously. In this case, the marriage may meet the formalities, but the woman would know that she is not married to a true Muslim. She has to consider the matter very seriously. If she is to marry a convert to Islam, then the man should be a true convert, convinced of the truth of Islam.