In today’s hectic world we often spend weeks or even months without being in touch with friends and families. There is always a new excuse added to the long list of those for not doing so. Luckily, various special occasions stimulate communication from time to time. Still, it is strange to realize that at times of sorrow, people seem to get together.

Recently I have had some of these experiences. First there was my wedding which was followed by my uncle’s funeral. His death occurred right after we returned from our honeymoon and taken together, the two made very strong impressions upon me.

Before the wedding, I remember being constantly asked for the date — usually followed by suggestions of a convenient time. When the date was finally set, news spread more quickly than I could have imagined. Old acquaintances whom I had not seen in years called asking for an invitation. Suddenly, it seemed, everybody was my friend, offering help and all kinds of ideas and suggestions. Despite my initial desire to have a quiet celebration, the number of guests kept going up. In the end, the party was held and everybody had a good time.

We returned from our honeymoon and my uncle died. On the way to the funeral I could not help saying to myself "What an occasion for meeting all these people so soon after my wedding!" As I went into the house sandwiched between my mother and my aunt, I looked in astonishment at what the young women were wearing. It seemed like a fashion show with the latest creations in black and white. After a few minutes I overheard whispers asking if I were the bride. At that point, the condolences unfortunately became congratulations — with some comments about not remembering to invite certain people! Suddenly the tone of the occasion changed and women began asking me if I could cook or if I had a maid. Others asked where we had spent our honeymoon. Or how my life had changed since marriage.

Frankly, I was not happy to become the center of attraction at such a time in such a place. I was even more unhappy at the personal questions I was asked; I had to use every technique I had ever learned to deal with them. Soon, however, the topic shifted and a young woman gave a brief talk about death and hereafter. Only then did the crowd fall silent for a while.

It was quite an experience to forget the grief which has supposedly brought us together. It is a shame that people seem no longer able to offer sympathy — or even dress properly and behave respectfully at what is a time of sadness. I wonder if the lesson that a funeral should teach is ever learned or even thought about these days. It saddens me to see how many people these days are only interested in sharing happiness and not in sharing grief or sorrow. Have they forgotten that old, but very true, saying — a friend in need is a friend indeed?