I would like to devote this week’s article to replying to the encouraging comments of two men on my recent article on women. I wept with joy after reading the letter from Abdul Majeed Abid Al-Tayyar of Madinah for his support for wronged women. I need, in fact, support from such people to continue my struggle.
He wrote: "The things stated in your article are painful facts and I personally know of the brutal manner in which some husbands treat their wives. There are, however, wrongs far worse than a physical assault; that pain will disappear in time. At the same time, the protracted sufferings caused by divorce, which is far too common in our society, are not confined to the woman alone. The children born of the marriage and the woman’s guardians have to bear the consequences all their lives. Our jurists and sociologists should study and find appropriate solutions to this problem.
"I don’t believe men alone are to blame for creating situations which lead to a home breaking up. There are women who neglect their duties toward their families and husbands. Some of them are awake the whole night and sleep the whole day, leaving household responsibilities including children to housemaids. Such behavior is a prime factor leading to frequent quarrels which in turn may end in divorce.
"Therefore I urge women to fear God and fulfill their responsibilities first to God and then to their husbands and children. Wives should also take care not to burden their husbands with expenses beyond their means. Women should not express any unhappiness with their husbands unless there are genuine and valid reasons."
Al-Tayyar believes that special summary courts should handle these issues and that the courts should have the authority and resources to execute their decisions. If this were done, it would go a long way in decreasing the sufferings of divorced women and their children.
Abdul Malik Othman Farrash of Jeddah sent a letter saying: "Your article makes me angry with men who cause untold miseries to women and children of divorced parents. I believe it may be because these men misunderstand the concept of relations between husband and wife. The Holy Qur’an envisages a relationship based on mutual love and affection, which is in direct opposition to the prevailing notion of male ownership and highhandedness in conjugal relations. Unhappy situations arise mainly because many young men do not understand the responsibilities involved in marriage. They are unwilling to shoulder their responsibilities and duties toward their wives — and these include caring for her, expressing genuine concern for her welfare and accompanying her on visits to relatives. He should also feed her ego by commending her beauty. He should express his love for her instead of always issuing harsh orders. He should make her feel that she is his partner for life, not a housemaid. His habit of spending nights away from home, leaving his wife with neighbors will undoubtedly annoy and frustrate her. It may also lead her to seek refuge with undesirable chatting practices on the Internet. Neglecting a wife will ultimately lead to quarrels and disputes. The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, ordered believing men to be good and kind to women because hatred and disputes would end in divorce.
"The Ministry of Justice and the Shariah Court should take note of the findings of research conducted by women’s societies and other competent agencies when drawing up legislation or issuing orders to protect the rights of women and children. The law should also guarantee the rights of non-Saudi wives, including their right to keep their children. Husbands who beat their wives should be penalized. Men and women at secondary schools and universities should be taught the responsibilities involved in marriage with special stress on the rights of wives and families."
I thank both these gentlemen for their support and encouragement in my struggle for the legitimate rights of women and children. We all have the same objective — to diagnose social maladies and treat them. May God Almighty reward you both for your efforts to bring justice to the women in our society who are mistreated by cruel men, whether fathers, brothers or husbands. The wrongs done by close relatives cause much more pain than by others.