Q.1. In Islam it is permissible for a Muslim man to marry a Christian or a Jewish woman. May I ask why cannot a Muslim woman marry a Christian or Jewish man? It might be for the children’s sake, because children take their father’s name and religion. So, what if the couple agree to have no children and that alcoholic beverages and pork would not be allowed into the house? Or what if the husband agrees that the children will follow their mother’s religion? The mother normally has a greater effect on her children than their father.

Q.2. My friend wants to dye her hair black, but she heard that it is forbidden. Is this true? I really don’t think so because why should black be forbidden and other colors not? It does not make sense to me.

Susi Amranthine

A.1. Islam believes in religious freedom. It does not accept that a man or a woman could or should be pressurized into accepting a faith in any way other than personal conviction. Hence it allows marriage between a man and a wife belonging to a faith which is recognized by Islam as a divine faith. When a Muslim man marries a Christian or Jewish woman, he believes in the truth of the messages God revealed to the Prophets Moses and Jesus. He respects his wife’s faith and ensures her freedom of belief and worship. If he does not, he is accountable to God for his omission.

How could the same freedom be guaranteed in a reverse case where a Muslim woman marries a non-Muslim husband? People may profess to accept that men and women are equal, but in practice, a woman is often the weaker party in a family situation. So, why expose a Muslim woman to such a situation by allowing marriage with a man who does not believe in the truth of the message given to Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)?

As for your point about a particular couple who make all sorts of agreements concerning their life together and their children, you have to remember that laws are enacted for general application, not for individual cases.

Thus, if in the majority of cases, religious freedom cannot be guaranteed, we cannot say that an individual case may be excepted because we have guarantees or agreement between the two parties.

As you see, I have not referred to the status of the children, because this is a different issue. It is the question of religious freedom, and the fact of the husband’s disbelief in the Prophet of Islam that are more relevant here.

A.2. The point about hair dye is the importance of ensuring that a person does not deliberately give a false impression. Thus, when an old man dyes his hair black, he wants to be seen as though he is younger than his real age. While, if your hair dye is of any other color, it could easily be seen as an artificial color. When Abu Bakr brought his father to the Prophet after Makkah had fallen to Islam, and Abu Bakr was nearing 60, his father looked very old with all his hair absolutely white. The Prophet advised Abu Bakr to have his father’s hair dyed, but said: "Avoid black dye." You may imagine what a man of 80 or so would look like if his hair is dyed black. If a middle-aged man wants to dye his hair or his beard black, there is nothing wrong with that. The same applies to women.

When we hear of some Islamic rule, we better ask first what is the purpose behind it. We do not rush to make a judgment, like ‘it does not make sense’. It could very well make sense if we are alerted to a certain aspect which we might have not taken into consideration.

Losing one’s temper

Q. A young man I know is quick of temper. Although he is normally well behaved with his parents and considerate and sincere in his friendship, his temper often gets the better of him. He may shout and scream at his parents or his friends. When he cools down he seeks his parents’ forgiveness, or apologizes to his friends, but this has lost him many a friend. What should he do?

M.S., Riyadh

A. The first thing to say to this young man is that he certainly must control his temper, particularly when he speaks to his parents. God has forbidden us to say even a small word that expresses anger or displeasure with our parents. He says in the Qur’an: "Your Lord has ordained that you shall worship none but Him, and that you shall do good to your parents. Should one of them, or both, attain to old age in your care, never say ‘Ugh’ to them or scold them, but always speak to them with reverent speech." (17: 23) It is clearly forbidden to say as much as ‘Ugh’ to one’s parents. Let this young man consider what he says to his parents when he is in a flight of temper.

It may be said that he has no intention of hurting his parents, and that simply he cannot control himself. But this is no argument. He can, if he wishes, train himself to control his temper, although this requires a strong effort. He should remember the Hadith which says: "A strong man is not the one who overpowers others in physical combat. A strong man is the one who controls himself when angry."

This young man needs to train himself to control his anger. This can be achieved by self-discipline. While it is not easy for someone who allows his temper to often get the better of him, it is not impossible either. He may do well to seek help, either from parents, or friends, or even professional people, such as a psychologist. One thing which he must try without delay is to leave the place when he feels his temper beginning to rise.

Thus, if he is having some disagreement with his mother, or with a friend and he senses that he is beginning to feel angry, he should simply leave, or change the subject of discussion, or do something totally different from what is irritating him. But whatever he may decide, he must get to control his anger.

Which faiths are divine

Q. You mentioned in an earlier answer that only Islam, Christianity and Judaism are divine faiths, but in our holy book, Bhgwad Geeta, it is clearly stated that Hinduism is also divine. How can you deny its divine origin?

Krishna Kumar Sharma

A. It may be so, according to your holy book, but this column expresses an Islamic viewpoint, based on the Qur’an and the Sunnah. In the Qur’an, God tells His messenger Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), that He had sent many messengers before him, some of whom He has mentioned in the Qur’an and others He has chosen not to mention. With regard to faiths other than Islam, we only take what is mentioned in the Qur’an or by the Prophet. We have no other way of judging them. According to the Qur’an, only Christianity and Judaism are the surviving divine faiths.