JEDDAH, 13 September — “I have had it, this is the limit, I can’t take it anymore. I hate my studies, my life and myself.” She was crying and the words were coming quickly. She was my childhood friend and I was disturbed. The problem: She was having a hard time with her parents.
The diagnosis: She was experiencing the transition known as adolescence.
Similar situations arise every day where there is a teenager. About 14 percent of the world’s population has recognizable depression at any one time. Sigmund Freud defined it as a turning inward of aggression. In every society, growing children entering their teens face challenges of varying intensities. A person going through it thinks he’s alone in it. This is the moment he may start blaming himself for a problem.
Many adolescents today have problems and get into trouble. The pressures include emotional stress, violence, and parental problems. Children may also be concerned about such issues as religion, gender roles, values or ethnicity. Sometimes these feelings and conflicts result in behavioral problems. Parents and loved ones may feel afraid, angry, frustrated or hopeless. They may feel guilty and wonder what they did wrong. All these feelings are normal but it is important to understand there is help available. You don’t need an institution for that but concern of the right sort from your family and friends.
This is the time when you, the friend, can play a major role. An American psychiatrist says, “What we all hope for when we are feeling low or agitated or depressed is to find a friend who seems to have time to listen.” A friend should be a source of affection, sympathy and understanding. Talk things over with your friend. If the friend doesn’t want to talk, just be there. Give the person a sense of your presence; never leave him or her feeling alone. Maybe they don’t need your opinion or your advice - only your shoulder to cry on. Dry the tears and your friend is sure to come back believing the state to be a passing episode which might otherwise have led to depression.
One well-known encyclopedia writes, “A downturn in mood in response to unhappy events is common and natural.” You learn to deal with it but if the period intensifies and becomes greater, it may lead to depression, requiring diagnosis and medication.
The same is true with parents. If your child is having a social problem, having difficulty in his studies or having trouble adjusting to a new environment, give him some time. Don’t worry about the problem every time you see him.
This will give him the idea that you expect too much from him. Don’t ignore his changing attitudes. Try to show that you care and this will spare him the feeling of being left alone. Just let him know that you have the time and the inclination to listen to his problems whenever he wants to share them. Reassure your child with “I have an idea what you are going through. Want to talk about it?” Trust him and show that you believe in him. Treat him with care or understanding and he’s bound to get over his problems!