Q. Could you please tell me whether istikharah could be done by proxy? Let me explain: in a case of a proposed marriage, the woman’s mother offered the istikharah prayer and went to sleep. In the morning she announced that the sign is negative, and the marriage proposal was rejected after everything had been agreed. Is this a correct method of seeking God’s help in making a choice? Is it not true to say that only the parties concerned should do the istikharah? Moreover, if things happen quickly, does not that indicate God’s will in the matter?
(Name and address withheld)
A. Istikharah is the method the Prophet has taught us to seek God’s help in any matter that we need help to make the right choice. It is done by offering two rak’ahs of voluntary prayer, followed by a specific appeal to God to make the right choice for us.
When we have done that, we trust to God that whatever the outcome may be, it is the better choice for us. People often attach knowledge of the choice on what they may see in a dream. While this may be true if the dream is directly relevant, it need not be so. When we do the istikharah, we trust that God’s help in making a choice is at hand. We look at how things move, and when we see a course of action is easier, allowing things to move smoothly, we realize that it is God’s choice.
A person I know embarked on a journey which would have changed his career, but he forgot to do the istikharah until the last moment. He did it shortly before going to collect his tickets which would have meant traveling the next morning. He immediately went to the travel agent, a trip that took him only 20 minutes, but he found the travel agency closed although it was still working time. He took that as indication and canceled his travel. Within a few days, all the difficulties that prompted him to travel started to be solved very easily.
It is possible for a close relative or a friend to do the istikharah on our behalf. It is not always necessary that the person concerned should be the one to do the istikharah. The only point in this case cited by the reader is the reliance on a dream. Such a dream should be very clear in order to be taken as an indication.