No doubt the expression of love, mutual understanding and a physical relationship are the traditional ways to strengthen married life. In the light of the alarming rise in the number of divorces and broken homes, an American psychologist/consultant on marital relations has affirmed the importance of books in saving marriages. A husband should read aloud to his wife and the couple should discuss what has been read.

The consultant said the wife can also read and the husband listen and either of them can lead the discussion. If they are not interested in reading, they can do something else, such as watching a TV program or going to a cinema. The important thing is that they should then discuss what they have seen in a calm and relaxed setting.

The expert believes that while the husband seeks his wife’s participation in his readings, he is, without his knowledge, strengthening their attachment. The act brings them closer, whatever may be their differences, interests or beliefs.

The consultant recommends that husbands and wives, who have nothing to talk about and fear the failure of their marriage, immediately start reading because the discussions following it will break the wall of silence between them and create an atmosphere for fruitful talk and discussion. This will then lead to greater mutual understanding and the exchange of ideas on related topics which they might never have discussed before.

When the husband begins to read aloud, a kind of commitment to his listener will be generated in his mind. Gradually the husband’s commitment will produce an identical one on the part of the wife. This, in turn, will strengthen relations between them as long as the reading and discussions continue. In the course of reading together or watching films or TV shows and then discussing what they have read or seen, they will develop a genuine feeling of warmth, bringing them closer. The end result is that the marriage and the relationship will be enriched.

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A British law court recently made a sensational judgment in a case filed by a working woman demanding her children’s custody after she separated from her husband. Contrary to the usual practice, the judge surprised the mother, as well as legal circles, by denying her custody of the children. He made a different decision because he took care of the children. The mother never came home before they went to sleep because she was very busy with work.

The judgment, which created an uproar in the British press, was a blow to motherhood in general and a deprival of women’s right to bring up children with all tenderness and affection. On the other hand, the judgment is a clear recognition of women’s demands for parity with men.

Judges in the United States have already made such judgments. Some social scientists believe that court verdicts taking away infants’ custody from their mothers and giving it to fathers may make working women, who do not fulfill their duties to their children and husbands, reconsider their demand for equality with men. The situation will also make women realize that the feminine nature will always have the upper hand, that women can in short be nothing but women.

The number of men remaining at home to take care of children and household chores is on the increase in Europe and America. Gender equality, which women are working to achieve, will be possible only when men and women exchange roles. Women go out to work while men stay at home cooking, caring for children and waiting for the wife’s return, though this is contrary to most human reality, customs and traditions. Recent studies in Europe and the United States show that the number of men staying at home to care for children has risen to more than 50,000 in the past five years.

Arab News Local Features 22 November 2002