A woman wants to know if it is possible to continue married life even if she no longer loves her husband. Her deep love for him disappeared when she discovered that the man she had loved and married was a cunning pretender. She, however, continues to behave as though she loves him. “But the acting wrecks my nerves as I am honest by nature,” she wrote in her letter. “Now I am in the unenviable position of being between the devil and the deep blue sea. Shall I continue to act or be truthful and cause my family to break up?
“What worries me most is my two children whom I cannot imagine being taken away from me in the event of a divorce. My husband introduced himself to my parents before our marriage as a rich, educated and ambitious young man. He was very handsome, an excellent conversationalist and the star of our family parties. My parents saw him as the ideal suitor for me, the eldest of their daughters.
“My father died a month after my engagement and my husband behaved as if he had been my father’s son — and my father had no sons. His conduct raised suspicions after our marriage when I discovered that he was a loafer. He claimed to be working in a well-known company. But in fact, he didn’t. He only wanted to live in luxury on my parents’ money.
“He began to use my father’s belongings which were of great value — watches, fountain pens and cars. My mother expressed some embarrassment at his spending all his time at home. Our customs expected that I should be taken to his house after marriage but how could he do that when he had neither house nor money? I do believe, however, that he felt genuine love for me. On the other hand, I loathed him and his expression of love was nauseating to me.”
She continued her letter saying that she had never disclosed her real feelings to him nor had she demanded an explanation from him. She did not want him to know what her feelings were. She ended, “I endure him because of my children. What should I do now? Please advise me.”
I replied that there is no point in living a life of pretense. One cannot build a happy and peaceful family life on lies and pretensions. The best thing, particularly as she is young and well-off, is to be frank and bravely face the facts.
Arab News Features 29 November 2002