One of the things expats in walled compounds miss is getting to know their neighbor. Surrounded by walls, these expats never meet some of the more colorful individuals that other people are surrounded by.

Cousin Omar says: We used to know everybody in our neighborhood. Nowadays, there are 20 reasons why you don’t want to know your neighbor:

1. He never says Hello.

2. He is nosy and likes to imitate you whenever you fix up your house.

3. He is messy and always late for work. Eats breakfast in his car and throws away the leftovers on the streets, not forgetting to empty his ashtray as well.

4. He likes to park his car in front of your house even if there is plenty of space in the street.

5. His fleet of cars consists of a minivan, a banged-up sedan and a luxury car (most probably an imported used Mercedes or BMW), not forgetting the fancy number plates.

6. His fleet of cars is bought on installment and there are always various collectors on his doorstep.

7. He is always late with the rent. How do you know? You can hear him fight with his wife about it.

8. He has at least four very loud kids. Left alone in the street, they can eat you alive like a school of piranha.

9. You find his teenage son leaning on the trunk of daddy’s car and having a puff. The question is: A puff of what?

10. You cannot identify his wife as she only ventures out at night. Could she be a distant relative of Zorro?

11. His wife can make mince meat out of mine in 1/8 of a second.

12. Has three maids and one driver none of whom understand Arabic or English.

13. His maids or driver always throw out the garbage as soon as the garbage truck leaves.

14. His maids or driver always practice barefoot kicking the loosely tied garbage bag into the garbage dump. They always miss.

15. His evening garbage deposit consists of rice, meat and other leftovers from lunch that can feed an entire Third-World tribe for a month.

16. His driver is so keen to wash the boss’s car, he turns the street into the River Niger.

17. You always find him in the street staring at others and talking on his mobile.

18. His definition of a summer vacation is to camp out at the disappearing waterfront or go to the Jeddah Festival.

19. He most likely hails from some hilly region, which explains the funny accent.

20. When he finally leaves the neighborhood, you throw a three-day party in relief until the next character comes in and you start again from No. 1.

Cousin Omar describes everyday problems in his part of the Eastern Province, but it’s the same just about everywhere. Have a nice day.