At a luncheon the other day, Salma brought up the alarming rate of divorces among the young, especially those below the age of 25. Salma, a volunteer at a women’s charitable organization is a witness to the trials of such break-ups at an early age. “Quite often the girls are barely out of their teens when these separations take place. And already they’re weighed down with one or two toddlers. What are these young mothers to do with no father around? I see enough of it and frankly it alarms me.”
“There probably exist a multitude of reasons for such sorry events, but I can’t help feeling that it is often the actions of adults that lead to them,” I said.
“Take for example the much-publicized mass weddings sponsored by certain organizations to marry off these kids, an event that is usually held every summer. While their intent may be good, these societies through donations and charities focus on the single aim of getting the young and financially destitute married. Judging by published numbers, the wedding day is a feather in their cap. But what follows after that? Where are the financial or social means to support and sustain such a union? “Frankly, I reject the idea of such kinds of assistance,” I said.
“Does the young man have the means to support his new family? A stable job and secure home? Does he have the maturity and stability to live up to his new commitments?
Do these societies who encouraged such unions ever check up on the harmony of the newly-weds?
“No, more often than not, after all the wedding hoopla, reality sets in, and it is often harsh. That is one reason why we see more and more of the young men taking the easy way out. They are just not ready to handle being weighed down with this new set of responsibilities. The sufferings of the young wife and the little offspring may not put much of a dent in their conscience.
“And another thing. Why is it that among the more financially fortunate, marriage has become such a frivolous commitment? I’ll tell you why. The parents of the boy usually foot the entire bill, from paying the sizeable dowry to wedding parties, etc. And six months down the road, the boy has a change of heart, and all this effort goes down the drain.
“I’ll tell you what would be the right way to do it. Let the boy work and save before he gets married. Let him think long and toil hard. And thus when he is sure he is ready to get married, let him underwrite it all with his hard-earned money. Sure, a bit of assistance won’t hurt, but the bulk of expenses should be shouldered by him.
“Perhaps only then the ‘I do’ will have some meaningful hope of surviving.”
- Arab News Opinion 30 August 2003
