At an official dinner last month, I sat next to a guest who introduced himself as “a journalist and a specialist in Middle East Affairs”. After we had completed the polite, boring ritual of business card exchange (cards which often replenish trash bins and create jobs for municipal janitors and cleaners), we began to talk.

We talked about violence and the “proliferations” of drugs in modern communities — two problem that give parents sleepless nights, preoccupy educators and social workers, enrich the agenda of politicians and keep the police force in action...

The journalist blamed teachers for failing to inculcate good behavior and healthy attitudes in youth and children and accused schools of doing little to fight the social illnesses in modern society, a view that I have always opposed and an accusation that educator vehemently deny.

I argued that schools were part and parcel of our modern society and victims of the sad events in our world. Guests at the table joined in the conversation. They lamented the increasing materialism in our world, the violence in films and on TV, the dire shortage of good role models, the lies that politicians often indulge in, the dishonesty of a growing number of corporate leaders, the corruption in many large corporations, the festering decay in a few well-established organizations and the tendency of the press and the media to promote cultural prejudice and fan the flames of hatred. They said that these were factors that undermined the work of schools and defeated the efforts of teachers to promote honesty, respect, tolerance and forgiveness.

One guest mentioned that she had just returned from a visit to Amman, Cairo and Damascus. She noticed that in the three cities people believed that negotiations and honest mediation were the only means to resolve conflicts peacefully. She was amazed that Jordanians, Egyptians and Syrians were friendly, helpful, and optimistic, despite the raging violence on their doorsteps.

The mere mention of three Arab capitals provided the journalist with an opportunity to flank his muscles and show off his knowledge. He said that he was familiar with the Arab culture and capable of understanding the Muslim mind. He boasted that he could forecast the consequences of the unfolding events in the Middle East with accuracy and precision

He predicted that peace between Israelis and Arabs would not be possible and said that it was sheer naiveté to dream of a conflict-free Middle East or of a war-free world, that a culture of peace was a culture of passivity, that diplomacy was the tool of the helpless and negotiation a form of blackmail, that political problems could only be settled by force and that death, torture and destruction were only a small price the developing world had to pay for “democracy” and “freedom” to knock at its door.

He added that the two blessings would only be on the marsh if people were ready and willing to sacrifice their livelihood, their lives and those of friends and relatives in their cause.

We were all shocked when he stressed that many countries in Africa and the Middle East were overpopulated and that a mounting death rate would be to their benefit...it would create jobs, lower unemployment, revitalize the economy and speed the pace of development!!

The distorted logic of the journalist infuriated an elderly lady, who had experienced the woes of World War 11. She said she was sure he would not use the same argument if any of his children were “serving his or her country” in a war zone. She asked if he would have the will or the courage to set foot in a country where bombs exploded every day, physical and sexual torture of prisoners was common practice, nervous, young soldiers shot indiscriminately at innocent civilians and assassination, kidnapping, suicide bombers were “facts on the ground”.

What had started as small talk quickly developed into a heated argument? The Middle East spoilt the dinner and was about to cause us indigestion. We decided to change the subject. We commended the food, although it was not tasty, and praised the soothing breeze, although it was cold and windy. We described the climate of our respective countries and remembered our favorite national dishes.

When my nationality and religion were revealed, I suddenly became an object of great interest. For a while I felt like an alien creature from a distant planet. One guest said she had never met a woman from my country before, another that she had read a lot about Saudi women, but that it was the first time she had “seen one”, a third added that, since I worked in Europe and had no problem chatting and eating with non-Muslims I must have been “Westernized”!!! I was showered with questions, which evoked memories of school oral examinations taken long ago.

One guest asked if I drove in Europe and if I enjoyed driving. I replied that I drove all the time; I enjoyed driving sometimes, but that I enjoyed more being chauffeur-driven. I said I wished I had the means to hire a driver while in Europe. He would have spared me the hassle of driving through thick traffic and the trouble of searching for a parking space every time I went out. He would have taken my car to the garage whenever it needed service or repair work and kept it clean all year round. He would have checked every day to make sure that tires were not flat and the petrol tank was full. .

A second guest asked if I thought women would soon be allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia. I said I would like to see that happen in the future, but at present I thought it was more important and more practical to ask for the introduction of some sort of public transport “for women only”.

I was asked if I was disappointed that women did not have the right to participate in the first municipal elections in my country.

I said that if women were allowed to participate, I would not have voted. I did not know any of the candidates. Surely my choice would have been heavily influenced by the men in my family.

A third asked if I would have voted for a woman candidate, if there were any. The guests were surprised when I replied in the negative. I explained that most Saudi women were well educated and had been making indispensable contribution to the development of our society for decades, but that the majority still preferred to shun the limelight. It would be years before a woman who truly represented the silent majority stepped into the election race.

The following day, down the street from where I live, I saw an elderly, homeless woman singing while searching the bin for something to eat. I wondered if she had ever participated in an election, if she had ever been behind a driving wheel, or if she knew what the inside of a car looked like.

— Ibtissam Al-Bassam is a former dean of King Fahd Academy in London and a present staff member of UNESCO. The views expressed are hers .