I went to Kingdom Mall with my 11-year-old daughter the other day and as the winding traffic queue in front of the car park seemed interminable, I asked my driver to position himself outside on the main street close to where the taxis were stationed. As we were descending the steps on our way out, a luxury car with tinted windows pulled up to the curb and the passenger started shouting his mobile number. Even though I was disgusted I ventured toward my vehicle ostensibly unperturbed. I was about to open the door when the car sidled up next to me.
“Come on honey,” said the sleazy occupant irreverently. “Take my number.”
A whole army of drivers watched as this spectacle unfolded and I felt the blood of humiliation rising to my face.
I yanked my daughter toward me and yelled, “Who do you want? My daughter or me? Or perhaps you would like both of us together, you dog!” and motioned as if I wanted to enter the car. Terrified the guys sped off while the limousine drivers broke into grins and cheering.
I was so disturbed by this incident and the bravado exhibited by these depraved maniacs that I told one of my friends about it.
“You think that’s bad?” he began animatedly. “Some years ago, before they had mobiles, my mother came home one day and gave me a cassette. When I asked her where she got it from she innocently divulged that some young guy had thrown it through the car window. I opened it up and found a number written on it. I dialed and an old guy answered the phone. I asked him what his name was and he told me. You know, Lubna, I was shocked because he happened to be one of my father’s best friends! Can you imagine how embarrassing that was? I then explained to him that his son had tried to court my mother using such tactics. Naturally he was mortified by his behavior and told me that he would bring the offender to our house and make him apologize to her personally.”
“This kind of thing is so degrading. My daughter was so shaken after this encounter. I mean what sort of an impression does it give her of the men in this society? What’s worse is that even though they form a small minority, they are just so conspicuous.”
“You know what?” my friend commented. “Things weren’t like this when we were growing up. We had so much value for the feelings and sensibilities of others. I can’t even imagine disrespecting a woman the way these young guys do so freely.”
“So what went wrong?” I asked.
“Well, for starters, even though we had maids in the house it was my Mom who had the final say in everything. We were terrified of doing anything to upset her. I grew up with my female relatives in a very relaxed environment. I don’t think that I ever thought of girls as being any different from us. My mother taught us to respect everyone. Secondly, we weren’t the product of this economic boom. We had to work hard for things. Life wasn’t that easy. We didn’t have time to dedicate to carousing around. People from good families were very mindful of the level of politeness of their children. This quality was far more important to them than their material status. But now things are different. Our culture has suffered a setback because of all this influx of money. Whereas the family was the bedrock of life, the school where we learned our ethics, is not as pivotal now.”
“These morons are not just appearing out of nowhere. They are a product of their upbringing,” I concluded.
Even though I cannot condone such warped behavior, I can understand it in a way. The constraints we have here are excessive. Drastic measures are borne out of abnormal circumstances.
But the thing that bothers me the most is the entire lack of respect shown toward anyone of the opposite sex by these individuals. How would these cretins feel if the same flagrant disregard was meted out to their mothers or their wives or their daughters or their sisters? I am absolutely positive that they would pulverize any man who so much as glanced in the direction of their womenfolk leave alone harassed them in such a demeaning manner.
Islam commands men to respect women. This is a fundamental requirement of our faith. So essential in fact that the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) reiterated this point in his last sermon.
However, as with so much else here we don’t always practice what we preach. It is most unfair that women should be left to feel violated without any recourse. Perhaps if there were legitimate action taken against such a minority, things would improve. The phone numbers given out could be submitted to a dedicated line that would deal with these sort of complaints. At least the threat of such an action might curb such misbehavior.
More pertinently, most of the guys handing out their numbers also happen to be cruising the streets in very expensive cars. I would speculate therefore that these are the chaps who are raised by battalions of maids who would not dare question their young masters’ authority. Perhaps educating their mothers on the merits of teaching their sons basic reverence toward all women, including their nannies, as opposed to augmenting their designer collections from the catwalks of Paris and Milan, might prove more effective a deterrent still.
(Lubna Hussain is a Saudi writer. She is based in Riyadh.)