DAMMAM, 23 September 2006 — On the very first day of my vacation my wife proclaimed: “Let us go shopping!” Blood suddenly drained from my face and my pulse rate and heartbeat dropped to an alarmingly dangerous level. I was in Kuwait when the Iraqis came and they could not put any fear into my heart. But this is different. This is camouflaged guerrilla warfare in its worst form!

In a situation like this, one doesn’t need an astrologer to predict imminent disaster coupled with dishonor. I tried my best to hide my falling spirits. But my watchful wife was too quick to notice the pale color on my face.

“Look at your face! There is malnutrition written all over. What were they feeding you over there!”

I saw a faint silver line of hope in her observation.

“The food is the same, dear. It is my dislike for frozen food, which is causing the trouble. Do you remember our catering guy, Mr. Pharaoh Khan? He is very considerate to me.”

“Considerate or not, when you are here, I am in charge. Before the end of this vacation, you are going to be fit and well like Comrade Achuthanandan.”

Then she served me some vegetable tea about which I had received a detailed lecture on my way from the airport. Sure, I am no fan of naturopathy but I knew a refusal at this point could cost me everything. So I gulped the tea without any sign of dissent and tactfully threaded the slippery course.

“All you need is some home-cooked food, some exercise, and some fresh air. Shopping is the perfect opportunity to get all these. I don’t understand why you men could never learn the genuine value of fine shopping! Don’t bother about the money. Just do it. Go for the experience. Be a free wind.....”

“But, dear I play tennis every day.”

“There you go again! Do you have any idea about your age? You are 49. Don’t you ever forget that!” After a pause, she added in a firm voice: “Tennis is no longer ideal for you. Shopping is the right exercise to suit your age. Leisure for your mind and exercise for your body. The perfect combination.”

“But dear, we have everything and nothing more to buy.”

My statement went unacknowledged.

“Darling, I know that you love all those precious stones. I should have thought about that before. Here, at Kaudilya’s they have an exclusive showroom for gems and pearls. You are going to love those collections of rubies, moonstones, sapphires and all that!”

Her eyes were closed in a deep meditation, most probably about the imminent shopping gala. I am no Napoleon but I can see my Waterloo even when it appears in a woman’s glowing spirits.