DAMMAM, 2 December 2006 — Psychological pressures force mothers to hand their babies born out of wedlock to orphanages, said Dr. Khalid Abdul Wahab, a psychological consultant at the Al-Amal Hospital in Dammam recently.
According to the Kingdom’s health experts, the guilt felt by mothers who carry illegitimate babies can have a profound psychological effect on them. In Saudi Arabia, having sexual relationships outside marriage is not only a taboo but is also punishable by the law. So having children out of wedlock is something totally unacceptable to society.
Dr. Abdul Wahab has dealt with cases of women handing in their newborn children at orphanages. “Women tend to feel guilty that they are carrying a ‘fatherless’ baby. They therefore find no other way of feeling secure and so abandon the baby,” he said, speaking to the Al-Yaum newspaper.
According to the psychologist, since women feel guilty about the shame they have brought to themselves and their families they begin to perceive their innocent children as a reminder of their horrible experiences and a hindrance to them leading normal lives and so prefer to put the baby up for adoption or send him or her to an orphanage.
“The baby reminds the mother of her actions. Therefore she feels she has to abandon it to be able to forget her miserable past. The mother feels the urgent need to leave out her child so as to prevent problems that she cannot tackle and to be able to relieve her tension and anxiety,” he added.
Dr. Abdul Wahab said however mothers who give away their children might end up carrying the sense of guilt for life. But he added that different women react differently. “Some remain remorseful for a long time while others just forget about their babies. It depends on the individual,” he said, adding that such women should try involving themselves in activities and hobbies to preoccupy their minds. “Such people need to be treated with care. Their thoughts and feelings can easily resurface if the person thinks or sees something that can trigger thoughts about what happened,” he said.
Speaking about the worldwide phenomenon of single parents and the effects on children of such parents, Dr. Abdul Wahab stressed that the absence of a parent is an obstacle that prevents a child from fully developing. “Statistics have showed that the child who is brought up without one of his parents or both of them is prone to many psychological problems,” he said.
“These children end up becoming somewhat isolated. They are considered outcasts because of common stereotypes that people inherit. It is hard but not impossible to change these stereotypes.”
Dr. Abdul Wahab believes that children from illegitimate relationships are actually victims but people vent their anger at the children instead of their parents.
“It is important to deal with these children as victims and not criminals. If we don’t then such children develop behavioral problems. If we are not to raise these children properly and accept them in the community, then this would negatively affect them and as a result society would get affected,” he said.
With an aim of getting an Islamic perspective on the issue, Al-Yaum spoke to Sheikh Ziad Al-Zara, a judge at the regional court in Dammam.
Sheikh Ziad said, “Islam has made the institute of marriage simple in order to preserve chastity and virtue. The difficulties that people face in getting married is a cultural phenomenon the answer for which lies in Islam. It is a shame that because of this, people end up involving themselves in illegitimate relationships.”
Sheikh Ziad says that Islam has established a mechanism in order to develop a clean society free from sins and psychological problems. “Islam has forbidden illegal relationships; this is done to ensure social equilibrium and that all people can spiritually excel and live contented lives,” said Sheikh Ziad.
“Those who make the mistake of falling into illegal relationships try to veil their sins by committing a worse sin: abandoning their children. Parents that do such things are going against the principles of humanity. It’s a shame that they stoop so low,” he said, adding that it was totally inappropriate and against Islam for the wider community to refuse to accept such children.
“I would encourage people to follow the Sunnah and adopt them. They should treat them like their own children and not punish them for the sins of their parents,” he said. Sheikh Ziad added that illegitimate children are victims and should be treated with care and attention.
