Contrary to the commonly held notion and the practices that prevail in some Muslim countries, the society that Islam establishes does not enforce segregation between men and women. Muslim society is a mixed one that allows the potentials of men and women to flourish and their talents to be productive. However, Islamic society maintains a set of values and manners that ensure that men and women mix only in a serious and respectful way. Decency and propriety are highly valued and an honorable approach to social mixing is always upheld. Certain values of propriety apply to both men and women, and we have discussed these in previous articles.
Some, however, apply to women, either on their own or in a higher measure. One of these is to avoid wearing strong smelling perfume. Zaynab, Abdullah ibn Massoud’s wife, reports: “God’s Messenger told us: ‘When any woman wants to come to the mosque, she should not wear perfume.’” (Related by Muslim.) Abu Musa Al-Ashari reports: “God’s Messenger said: ‘If a woman wears strong smelling perfume and she passes by a group of people who will sense her smell, then she is so and so.’ His words were certainly very strong.” (Related by Abu Dawood.)
In both these Hadiths we note the emphasis on strong smelling perfume and wearing it in public so as to attract people’s notice. Needless to say that such a practice is inappropriate in a mosque, where men and women go for worship. Similarly, it is unacceptable for a woman to try to attract men’s attention by wearing perfume, which is felt at a distance. Nowadays when many societies are permissive in varying degrees, we hear people speaking approvingly of a ‘seductive’ attire or ‘eye-catching’ design, or ‘sexy’ outfit. Such an attitude to women’s appearance is the exact opposite of the Islamic one. Islam considers women as honorable human beings. Therefore, to make women adopt an attitude where attracting men becomes an aim to be sought is too demeaning for them.
Other values Muslim women should observe include seriousness in speech and movement. God says in the Qur’an: “Do not speak too soft, lest any who is sick at heart should be moved with desire.” (33: 32) “Let them not swing their legs in walking so as to draw attention to their hidden charms.” (24: 31) Muslims, men and women, should always try to observe the qualities we have outlined whenever they meet. The question is what should they do when some of these qualities are ignored in a particular situation? The answer is that social corruption creeps in whenever these qualities are absent. In such a situation a Muslim feels uneasy. Therefore, he must weigh up the expected benefits against the likely loss. He should take part when the benefit is likely to be greater, and choose to have no part when loss is more likely. Every case should be considered on its own merits. However, the following points should be considered:
1. If avoiding mixing with the other sex in such circumstances will cause a Muslim some difficulty, either in relation to his work or the fulfillment of his interests or indeed in his overall affairs, then he or she must accept what is unavoidable, within the limits of what is necessary to remove such difficulty. God says in the Qur’an: “It is He who has chosen you, and has laid no hardship on you in (anything that pertains to) religion.” (22: 78)
2. Sometimes the participation of a Muslim in a function where Islamic requirements are absent, will help to advance something good or prevent some evil. He may, for example, be able to enjoin what is good or to prevent some evil action, or may impart useful knowledge to people who are unaware of it, or his mere presence may lead others to refrain from some actions that are unacceptable to Islam. In any such situation, the person concerned, man or woman, should participate. He or she should seek God’s help and resolve to try to use such participation in order to achieve some good results. Their participation becomes even more required when violating Islamic moral standards is commonplace in society and such participation provides a good chance to point out the proper way to them.
3. By contrast, a Muslim must refrain from such participation if he or she fears that he/she may be tempted to do something forbidden. Likewise, if a Muslim’s absence will cause the participants to review their conduct and refrain from what is sinful, then he must remain away from such functions.
4. Some Muslims may violate some aspects of Islamic values that should be observed when meeting with the opposite sex. This could be out of ignorance, or necessity or unforeseen emergency, and the violation could take the form of a one-to-one meeting in an enclosed place. In such a case, Muslims must not suspect their brothers or sisters of any wrongdoing. They should be careful not to criticize or accuse them, without evidence, in front of others. They should take warning from what happened in the event concerning Lady Aishah, which God describes as ‘the falsehood’: “You took it up with your tongues and uttered with your mouths something of which you have no knowledge, thinking it a light matter whereas in God’s sight it is grave indeed. If only when you heard it you said: ‘It is not right for us to speak of this! All glory belongs to You. This is a monstrous slander.’” (24: 15-16) The Prophet (peace be upon him) says: “It is too big a sin for anyone to repeat to others all that he has heard.”
5. A common practice that is akin to false accusation is to drop innuendoes about other people’s motives and to accuse them on the basis of false reports, simply because some Muslims fall short of observing all Islamic manners. We are always required to take matters at face value, and to advise our fellow Muslims to observe the values God wants them to observe. We must never judge others. Such judgment belongs to God alone.
Having said that, we must always remind ourselves and our brothers and sisters to always avoid putting ourselves in a position that invites gossip and evil thoughts.