Q. An old couple have one son and four daughters. They have a lot of properties. They made a gift of many of these properties to their son, excluding their daughters. Their reason is that their son has looked after them in their old age, while their daughters have not. Is their action acceptable in Islam?
Mrs. Zainab
A. The Prophet says: “Fear God and maintain fairness among your children.” This is a highly authentic Hadith that makes it clear that unfairness among one’s own children is contrary to taqwa, which we normally translate as fearing God. It is to be noted that the Prophet did not attach the need to be fair in one’s treatment of one’s children to any consideration other than being God-fearing. So if you want to attain this quality, which is essential to achieve admission into heaven, you have to remain fair in your treatment of your children. The Prophet did not make such fairness conditional on the children being dutiful or taking care of their parents. He left it in general terms so as not to allow personal feelings, or favoritism to dictate our actions.
The parents in this case may be very grateful to their son for looking after them. They might have expected more from their daughters. Normally a daughter takes good care of her parents, but here we have four daughters who seem to fail in this respect. Should we not wonder at the reason? Are these daughters married and do they have families of their own to look after? If so, they may have little time to spare. May be the parents expect from their daughters what they cannot reasonably provide.
Be the reason as it may, parents must not favor any of their children with gifts to the exclusion of others. They must maintain fairness. Parents may need to give special attention to one or more of their children because of special circumstances, such as one of their children suffering from a disability, or having special needs for education. In this case, providing for such needs does not constitute favoritism. Giving special gifts to one or more of their children to the exclusion of others constitute unfairness, which the Prophet has forbidden.
Parents who receive more care from any of their children, particularly when they are ill or in their old age, may reward their son or daughter in another way: they can pray to God to look after that child and give him or her a comfortable life, and protect him from evil, etc. Such prayers, especially when they are made in appreciation of their child’s attention to their needs, are certainly accepted and answered by God. This is far more beneficial to that child than any gifts they can give him. Moreover, such special gifts to one of their children have their negative effects, as other children will feel that they have been unfairly treated. This leads to nurturing a feeling of jealousy among brothers and sisters. This is unhealthy for all concerned.
To sum up, parents must always maintain fairness in their treatment of their children, not favoring any of them with gifts or other kinds of special attention, unless the children require such attention for circumstances beyond their control. If a son or a daughter are in a situation where they need help, while other siblings are better off, parents may provide that help. However, if this constitutes a special gift, they need to explain the situation to their other children and have their agreement to such action.