As we have mentioned, Zaynab reluctantly married Zayd ibn Harithah, only because the Prophet (peace be upon him) wanted this marriage to go through. She was fully aware that no Muslim could refuse a specific order given by the Prophet, even when it concerns such a personal matter as marriage. God says in the Qur’an: “The Prophet has more claim on the believers than they have on their own selves.” (33: 6) He also says: “Whenever God and His Messenger have decided a matter, it is not for a believing man or a believing woman to claim freedom of choice in that matter. Whoever disobeys God and His Messenger strays far into error.” (33: 36) Hence when Zaynab felt that the Prophet desired that this marriage should take place, she wanted to make sure. She said: “Do you, Messenger of God, wish me to marry him?” When he said that he was satisfied that Zayd would be a good husband for her, she agreed.

However, the marriage was not an easy or a happy one for either husband or wife. The two were far from compatible. Zaynab felt that her birth and social standing put her above Zayd, while he was very sensitive on this particular issue. Therefore, life was not smooth for either of them. Both tried to make the marriage a success, but it was clear that this was not going to be easy. Hence, Zayd went to the Prophet expressing his feelings and saying that divorce seemed the only solution. The Prophet tried to pacify him and told him to hold on to the marriage, hoping that before long, things would improve. Apparently, this took place more than once.

Then there was a shock. The Prophet was instructed by God that he should let Zayd divorce his wife and that he himself should marry her when her waiting period was up. He was perturbed at this, because he had adopted Zayd as his son in pre-Islamic days, and Zayd continued to be known as Zayd ibn Muhammad for a long time, until God had commanded that no one should be attributed to anyone other than his own real father. Adoption was thus forbidden. It was then that Zayd reverted to his own father’s name and was called Zayd ibn Harithah. Yet social norms are difficult to eradicate. Hence, the Prophet felt uneasy about the new command from God. Would not people still consider that he was marrying the divorcee of his son? Yet Zayd was no son of his. Still, the divine order must be carried out. Therefore, the Prophet allowed Zayd to divorce Zaynab after two years, or a little longer, of an uneasy marriage.

When Zaynab’s waiting period was over, the Prophet was instructed to marry her. It was Zayd who carried the proposal to her, and she received it with mixed feelings. She said to Zayd: “I am not doing anything until I have appealed for God’s guidance.” Yet the order was clear. It had to be done. God states in the Qur’an: “You did say to the one to whom God had shown favor and you had shown favor, ‘Hold on to your wife and have fear of God.’ And thus you would hide in your heart that which God wanted to bring to light. You stood in awe of people, whereas it was God alone of whom you should have stood in awe. Then, when Zayd had come to the end of his union with her, We gave her to you in marriage, so that no blame should attach to the believers for marrying the spouses of their adopted sons when the latter have come to the end of their union with them. God’s will must be fulfilled.” (33: 37)

This was a marriage planned by God and carried out in compliance with His orders. The reason was to eradicate a long established social norm that is based on false claims. Adoption attributes parenthood on the basis of mere words. Such a false claim cannot be countenanced by Islam. Islam strongly encourages looking after orphans and poor children, but that should not be the basis of denying them their own proper status.